CANCEL IT!: Part II

Received a bill today from an Ears, Nose and Throat doctor. Bryson had some tests run back in May. Since then we have paid $1200 for our insurance coverage. The bill is for $1485.00 before insurance. Guess how much we will still have to pay? Well, according to this bill, we still owe $669.60. Why, you ask?? Because our insurance only pays 50% of "specialty" visits. (They have a word for this somewhere... in some foreign country in Africa maybe.... I believe it's called.....??? hmmm.... Oh that's right, "FUCKING BULLSHIT!")

Sorry. I've composed myself. Now, I do still need to call the insurance on this, to make sure this bill is correct, because I talked to them last week and I don't think that it is. But just for shits and giggles, let's file my needing to call the insurance company every week under "F" for F%c*ing B#llsh!t . Why don't they take the $2800 we've paid them this year and hire someone who can get this math straight the first time so that I don't have to call. Oh... that's right, that's not how they make money. Well, how I make money is I CANCEL IT! So, I'm calling them today or tomorrow and if I call before this publishes, I will include my findings.

@(&^#$^(grumble)*^#@!#%grumble&*)(^$@grumble#%&*(grumble)(&%$...................!

Running....

I've been jogging and working out at the gym for almost four months now. I hesitate to share my experiences, though. The feelings I get when I know I'm doing well, are barely recognizable to me even when they repeat themselves; I wouldn't trust myself to convey them to anyone else.

One concrete discovery that I have made has reminded me, oddly enough, of when I quit smoking. It was almost four years ago and I got really sick. Fever, sore throat, raspy cough, etc. but I didn't go to the doctor because it was my first semester back to college and I was afraid of missing something. That and spending a day, deathly ill, in an empty library with hot chocolate was so much more inviting than spending a day, deathly ill, at home with a 1 and 2 year old. Those few, who I may have infected, must please pardon my plight.

During those 3 days that I was sufficiently saturated in Tylenol, it was hell to smoke. My throat felt like fire when I tried, so I didn't. After three long days I had the choice to light up but decided not to. What was one more day? I kept my pack in my purse until it seemed absurd to have them and not smoke them. I moved them to my glove compartment always thinking, "just incase." Eventually they rested in my desk drawer at home and there they stayed for over a year until I just threw them out.

Sure, every now and then, I had a puff. Bryson quit a whole year after me so, of course, I gave in once or twice. It usually served to remind me what, exactly, I wasn't missing. I noticed the way my food tasted better, my lungs felt better and I stopped hacking in the morning. The habit was gone and it never came back.

I think that is how I am treating this new habit of working out. Or maybe I should say, "the old habit of not working out." I've decided to change, but I keep my bigger clothes around for those off days. I take a break sometimes and allow myself to fall back or fail a little, but all it does is remind me of what I wasn't missing.

I notice the subtle changes in my lifestyle, like how I sleep better, feel more comfortable even when just sitting, handle stress better, eat healthier.... oh shit, the list goes on and on... have better digestion (and elimination), smile more, laugh more, have greater self esteem, stand taller, have better sex

(I know that the sex thing and the elimination thing is going to be TMI to all of you who know me personally, but you're just gonna have to get over it, because this is full disclosure here and how the hell else do you sell something with out talking about sex and bowel movements? Have you seen these fucking commercials lately? Grow up.)

handle PMS better, handle 5 and 6 year old energy better, think clearer, detox faster after a night of too much wine, handle the heat better, handle the cold better.....

Did I mention that I feel FANTASTIC? Well, it's probably just a side effect.

Hot and Wet is the Way to Go!

I figured it out!!! OM biggest secret ever!! I can't believe this!

I have been learning by trial and error how to dry my clothes on the line. For the past two months I gave up putting underwear, socks and towels out in the sun because the effect was CRISPY. I don't much care for hard, scratchy towels. So, I would put them in the dryer on 20 minutes, 15 of which is air-dry. I would do that twice and the result was fluffy, soft. BUTTTTs! Yesterday I uncovered a SECRET. I just happened to wash a sheet and instead of hanging in on just one of the many clothes lines I draped it over the entire Umbrella Clothesline Contraption. Then I hung two loads worth of clothes under it. It took a good long time to dry(a few hours) while I did other, non-laundry related, things. The result was OH MY BUDDHA soft and OH MY ALLAH fresh!!!

As I spread the sheets out onto my daughters bed I was overcome with jealousy about how they smelled and felt. I couldn't believe it!! The shirts and towels under the sheet were soft and the sheet that was sacrificed to the Sun God of HotandDry smelled fantastic and wasn't crispy either. The humidity that is produced under the sheet must keep it moist enough to stay soft... I guess. (Hot and Wet = Moist and Soft)

I wonder what chemical they must put in fabric softener that makes our clothes dry slower and

remain softer. Now that I know this softness(and fantastic scent) can be attained with fresh air and natural resources, look out! It seems utterly ridiculous to pay money for chemicals that hurt the planet in order to achieve the same result that nature gives us for free... and better! It's like faking an orgasm. It's a waste of time. Why not work at having better sex? Fake orgasms don't improve your complexion or feed the amount of endorphins to your brain that real ones do. Right? Just, whatever you do, don't take medication for it. Chemical orgasms would be the antithesis to my point, here.

I now have a spare sheet that is designated to the drying of clothes, just in case I don't have a dirty sheet in the house that could use a major freshening up! Yum!! From here on out, I will dry clothes under a sheet. Wet is preferable but dry will do.

Happy Laundering!

CANCEL IT!: Part I

Today was our family dentist visit. Our family of four intruded upon the quiet office of our friendly neighborhood dental practice. They were awesome and I am proud to report that I am the only one who does not need a filling. BOOYAH!

While we were there we asked what our visits would cost, if we didn't have insurance. Of course, we do have insurance, whether we like it or not, but as you know, we are doing a little financial experiment to see if it would be more conservative to cancel said insurance, since all that it really insures is that we are always broke.

They were extremely accommodating, telling us the full prices of services and even informing us that many people come in and get work done that do not have insurance. Good to know. Now, it's time for us to talk to our doctor's office and once I am finished compiling the evidence, I will publish it. So far it looks like we would cut costs in half by not having insurance, but we have to be careful that we are also covering our butts for mishaps.

I can't wait to share the spreadsheet with my readers. I will call these posts "CANCEL IT!" (Parts I, II, III, etc.). Then I will move to data on parking cars. I'll let you guess what those posts will be titled.

Remember, if we are to live in a Capitalist Country, the one true way to protest is to spend less.

Cancel it, park it, incorporate.

SummerTime

Yesterday, as the trees in front barely tilted upward to hide the sun, the wind blew a mist off the sprinkler so thick that it made a two second wall in the air and for that two seconds the shadow of our Bradford Pear tree danced in the misty breeze above my head rather than under my feet. Water speckled my shades and I couldn't remember ever seeing something like that before, but maybe I have and simply wasn't present enough to notice. I hope it happens again tonight. It's summer time. Let's make the most of it.

I've been living balls to the wall and need a break. I realize now, that my schedule changes according to my priorities and my priorities are dynamic. For instance, last week, I decided that my highest priority was spending exuberant amounts of time with my hubby, at night, after the kids went to bed. Subsequently, our relationship went through a positively polishing phase and my relationship with sleep suffered. Also, as a result, my relationship with my children declined because every parent knows that children are the most annoying when you are tired. I was tired all week.

This week, starting today because I procured no less then nine hours of sleep last night, will focus on house and home. My relationship with the hubby will not suffer because ... well... it never does and my relationship with my kids will be refreshed(until I am tired of being a completely unselfish parent and decide to slack off once again). At least I can see the pattern for what it is. Until the slacking off takes effect, I will enjoy sweeping, mopping, laundry, flipping mattresses(and no that's not code for anything dirty), washing sheets, bathing dogs, dusting and organizing closets. The kids and I will finish a few chapter books, learn some new songs and probably bake something. We may even get the garage cleaned up for a sale AND rearrange Ben's bedroom, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. I would be happy, at this point, to simply secure enough sleep to see my jogging improve once more. -yawn-

Who's ready to get to work?

I never liked peeing in cups, even when I wasn't a crack-whore.

I did not make a good argument against the testing for drugs in welfare recipients because I didn't show the other side. I left the opposing view points out of my rebuttal, mainly because they make my blood boil. But, I'm going to have to get over that. Politics are nothing if they can not be discussed with out emotion. So, I'm going to try again, because what good is the blogosphere, if not to beat a dead horse. (no animals were harmed in the making of this argument.)

One argument in favor of drug testing welfare recipients is that people with jobs get drug tested often enough, why not drug test people with out jobs? (Pardon me while I pummel my pillow)

Okay. That's fair enough. I'll give you that perhaps there is an amount of accountability that people with jobs feel they must have in order to hold/keep their positions and perhaps they feel that welfare recipients lack that accountability? eh? Is that sorta it?

So, let's eliminate from the equation those welfare recipients that have jobs and only talk about those who don't. Drug testing is considered a "search" under the U.S. constitution. And as I hope every citizen of our country knows, a search can only be performed if there is probable cause. Now, we've eliminated the job holders( I mean, according to this new law, they will still be drug-tested, but we just aren't going to talk about them). Of the people who do not have jobs, MANY have recently lost their jobs. We are officially in a recession. Jobs are scarce. Simply being out of work, even when the country is doing well, cannot possibly be considered probable cause that you are on drugs.

Now, let's eliminate all of the out of work recipients who own a suit and tie or a nice pencil skirt, which, by the way, is impossible because you can't decide who gets money by how they dress. It's cruel. (excuse me while I run off some steam. 100 times around the block should do it...&*&%$$RUYHD$....) Okay. So, now the people who are freshly out of work, and those with low paying jobs are getting piss tested so that the rest of us who don't have to wait in line for cheese, can feel good about giving them money. Now the people who are left are the ones who can't hold down a job and haven't had one recently to hold down. Druggies, you say?

(M#%&ther F3#^&#eR)

What about handicapped recipients? Veterans still dealing with post traumatic stress disorder? Our country is still fighting a war and once again, being honorably discharged from the military is not probable cause that one is shooting up. I will grant you that those recipients who are in wheel chairs and hooked up to a catheter would have a much easier time sharing a little urine. They could just trade their full bag for an empty one. "Here! Take it! Leave me alone!" We crack whores should be so lucky.

Hmmm... maybe it is due to a lack of creativity, or maybe I'm just tired from fighting off the anger, but I can't think of another group of people who might be collecting welfare. I am truly sorry to those people. I'm sure their are many more reasons out there that someone may need government assistance, that also do not include drug use, but I'm at a loss.

The only people left are that small percentage of druggies who party hard, kill brain cells and have no drive to become contributing members of society.

May I pose a question??

How many of those irresponsible maggots do you think would have the presence of mind to remember that it is the day they are supposed to pick up their check?

I can't remember what day of the week it is during the summer, quite often, because I simply don't have to drive my kids to school. That one little break from responsibility makes me forgetful.

But let's just say, that they own a calendar, which is pretty cool, they mark the check-date on it, again smart, and they actually have the decency to show up and collect. Don't you think they might also have the wherewithal, so take a detox drink? It is possible, you know, to be a completely worthless drug head 5 days a week, wake up one day, detox and collect a check the next day. Then again, even that would show a modicum of responsibility.

Let's take the detoxed-drug-heads out of the equation and leave only the one's who really have drug problems and will probably not get those checks, either because they will simply stop showing up, or because they show up and piss dirty. How many of those people have kids that won't get their weekly McDonald's cheeseburger on the way home before their parents blow the rest on drugs? I think people (especially pro-lifers) should agree that we cannot punish children because their parents are worthless.

"It will help the children" I hear you crying. How? How will it help them? The stipulation is that the parents simply won't get paid, are we now going to link the welfare drug test into Child Protective Services? Would we really contemplate relocating children based on their parents bodily fluids?? Why not just round up all the poor people and stick them in concentration camps? Then we can control them better.... and make sure they don't eat poppyseed bagels.

Another argument "for" drug-testing is that people who have jobs, are disabled, jobless but not on drugs, etcetera, wouldn't mind peeing in a cup. I agree! I wouldn't mind peeing in a cup either, if it meant that I could give my check to one of those drug-head's kids. But that isn't how it works. How it works is that the few (less than 4%) of welfare recipients who would not pick up their check would save the state only enough money to pay for the lab work of the people who pee clean.

Not to mention that, those few who say they wouldn't mind, cannot speak for everyone. We are all different and just because one person sees it as worth their while and tax-payer dollars to sit in a waiting room, have their name called and give a piss(grrrrrrrrr.......), doesn't mean that I think it is. If I were on welfare, with my beautifully clean pee, I would consider it an insult. I do not think that anyone other than a medical professional has any right to analyze my urine, with my permission.

I do however, call the police and offer my house to be searched every time I hear that a murder has been committed in the city. After all, I am a person who lives in the city.... why not spend wasteful hours searching my house for the weapon, suspect and/or body? It's not ridiculous at all.

What are some other arguments for the drug-testing?

Some say that government assistance should be used to feed your children or keep a roof over your heads not for Drugs, alcohol or cigarettes(deeerrrrrrrrrrrrrruuuuuuurrrr). I agree. That's why food stamps are issued. By the way, when they pee into a cup, they aren't going to be tested for nicotine and alcohol isn't illegal. So, what next, we tell them they can't smoke or have a few beers either? I guess that fits, laws do seem to be different for people depending on their income. Just look at professional athletes, they do drugs all the time.

We cannot control how people spend their money. What if they want to buy paint supplies because they are starving artists? It's not food or a roof but it's not drugs, alcohol or cigarettes either. What about people who instead of buying food at the grocery store, give an exuberant amount to their church? What gives us the right to dictate what is harmful to them and what is not? What if there are parents who are only abusive when they're sober?

The bottom line is that adults must be treated as adults. It is not the governments job to parent us. And the program is working at 96% proficiency already. Can't we come up with bigger fish to fry?

On the other hand, there is a silver lining. If the people who pee clean were to sell their pee to the drug-heads and subsequently no longer need their welfare checks it would leave more money to the people on drugs. Then, EVERYONE GETS PAID. Good job Florida!

Here's my point. And after all this, I feel I have earned the right to make one:

We cannot control miscreants. That is why they are miscreants. They do not want to be controlled and we must ask ourselves why we feel the need to urge conformity.

As long as there is money, there will always be rich and poor and as long as there are laws there will always be law-breakers.

A: Knock Knock?

B: Who's there?

A: Control Freaks. Now you say, "Control freaks who?!"

Little Monsters

So, I have this friend who is awesome and she bought a set of iron-on monsters for each of my kids. She also gave them the shirts to iron the monster onto. Yesterday, we had a monster making afternoon and it was SOOOOO fun! I saved the pieces we didn't use because I thought it might be fun to affix the odd eyeball or monster scale to the general issue school shirt or otherwise blank tee.

Here are the results:

For the record, I offered no input as to what the monsters should look like.

Kill yoga. Hang ass.

I arrived to Yoga class tense and stressed and left revived and balanced. As I lay on the floor towards the end, I spent no less than a week among plants in a rain forest and absorbed their colors into my soul before the instructor began to speak again and the floor came back to support me.

When we got home from the gym I decided to turn on the water out front. We have a new sprinkler and we like to watch it slowly wave back and forth and shower the ground with freshness. Unfortunately my neighbor came out and felt it was her duty to inform us that "worms" have been eating out petunias.

Actually, we already knew this. They are caterpillars not worms and I've been meaning to write about them on this little bloggy thing, but kept forgetting. You see, either the caterpillars are eating and pooping or we have spotted two caterpillars and a couple dozen pupas. (Ben actually remembered that they were called "pupa" which impressed the shit out of me) So, we rejoice their being in our garden because everyone knows that caterpillars produce moths and butterflies, both of which are beneficial to the environment.

Our neighbor however, thought, that it was a travesty and that I should be doing something about the pests eating our flowers. I told her that the petunias are not hurt by the caterpillars. To which she scoffed and held up her hands showing me the size of holes that those monstrosities were leaving in my flowers. I invoked my calming buddha grin and informed her that actually the caterpillars eat the entire bloom(holes be damned) and that another is then produced in it's place and that the bunches with the insects have had more success this year than the bunches without. She pretended to understand my take on the situation, but I felt her mind cursing my eastern philosophies.

The point of this story is:

WHY IN THE HELL ARE PEOPLE SO BENT ON KILLING SHIT!!!??? and HOW IN THE HELL HAS THAT OLD WOMAN LIVED AS LONG AS SHE HAS GOING AROUND KILLING SHIT?!

What goes around, obviously, does not come around to anyone born before karma.

And now for a little segment I like to call:

FUNNIEST QUOTES OF THE MONTH

Mom says to Benjamin as he clings to her like a monkey, "Ben I think your slipping"

Ben: "This is how I hang"

* * * * * * * * * * * *

After two days of getting in trouble with Mom, Juliet is asked by her father, "How did you

do today?"

Juliet: "Good! I wasn't an ass."

The Right Not to Squat.

I was recently saddened by a report that Florida will now drug test their welfare recipients. I was even further saddened by a comment on Facebook asking how this was unconstitutional? The comment made an almost valid point that it is okay to test people who are working for their money, so why not test people who are not.

Please allow me this polite and extremely articulate moment to explain what is wrong with this way of thinking. I am simply asking permission to illuminate an area of the world that perhaps people who ask these questions have yet to see with their own eyes. Let me be your eyes, just for a moment, please.

First of all. Not all people who are on welfare are out of work. Some have full time jobs that don't make ends meet. Those people live difficult lives and are probably already being drug tested at their minimum wage, full time jobs. What Florida has done, is made these people spend even more of their time peeing in cups. Put yourself in their drive-thru windows for a moment. It is not a pretty world and the answer should not be to make it more ugly for them.

If you would like to reject the idea that drive-thru workers are on welfare to help their families and not buy alcohol and drugs, then perhaps you should know that when my husband and I were first married we qualified for welfare and we had full time jobs in highly respectable positions.

We were Airmen, in the United States Air Force. And we did not have the constitutional rights to refuse peeing in a cup while someone watched. And it was humiliating, especially in a country who's judicial system boasts the phrase "innocent until proven guilty." We were always suspects as airmen. Always. And it was not fun.

Although I believe that it is naive to think that everyone on welfare is on it due to great misfortune, I think it is equally as naive to assume that they are on it due to laziness or drugs. But, in the interest of helping those people who are deserving of such a program, perhaps we could find it in our hearts to err on the side of Democracy. After all, if any of these poor people are unfortunate enough to have parole officers, it is possible that we are already spending additional tax dollars to test their tinkles.

Secondly, if I have not lost you, I agree that it is NO MORE UNconstitutional to drug-test welfare recipients than it is to drug test non-recipients. There, if you re-read that last statement, you will find a clear solution. Stop drug testing the citizens of this nation. No matter, what program they belong to or what office they hold, drug testing is wrong. In the work place or a government building, drug-testing is communism at it's finest.

If you have never peed in a cup, perhaps you cannot understand the feeling of humility that happens as you squat over your own hand to collect a specimen of your own bodily fluid. There is a moment just before you begin to pee when your inner monologue says, "REALLY?!" and then repeats this sentiment as you hand over your warm, steamy cup to a teenager in a lab coat, because it is unnatural, disgusting and uncomfortable.

Lastly, I would appreciate the humble opportunity to point out that the reason we believe drugs are bad(mmm kay?), is because the government has funded propaganda to teach us that drugs are bad(mmm kay?). It is interesting, and not at all controversial, to point out that drugs are advertised millions of times per day on network television. My own father takes enough prescription drugs to make it unadvisable for him to drive his car to work. But he does, and he makes money and he is never drug tested.

The person who wrote the comment about drug-testing welfare recipients, (as good natured as I'm sure she is, and as well intended as, I must for my sanity, believe that that comment was) has probably never been drug-tested herself. She owns her own business and was left a considerable amount of money by a deceased relative. I can not imagine a situation when she would ever have to undergo humiliation for the sake of living, in this country. I would never dream of defiling her memories or being disrespectful in any way to her, personally. I bring it up because although she has done well for herself, there are people in her exact situation who are less fortunate.

For instance, it is not impossible for business owners to be addicted to drugs with out anyone ever noticing. They float along not needing state money to support their habit (but probably stealing plenty from their minimum wage workers, who may or may not be on welfare and/or drugs) and that creates an income injustice. It is the same as saying, "As long as you are financially stable, you can do drugs to your heart's content,"(not a message I would readily teach my children).

There are also plenty of other people in this world who have lost parents that left them nothing and after floating around from foster home to foster home, now have mental problems that make them reliant on welfare as well. None of these scenarios are pleasant, I agree, but when you consider them the conclusion is that by drug-testing welfare recipients we are telling them that the only way they are allowed to live the freedom(And by freedom I mean, privacy. The right to not squat, if you will) that others have is if they have the money to purchase it. That is unconstitutional.

Once again, I stand by my conviction that drug-testing anyone is unconstitutional. I will never, again, except a position that requires my urine in a cup. It is undignified.

Please, please, please, do not make me drudge up the "do onto others" or "walk a mile in their shoes" cliches from my childhood. It is worn out and let's face it, we don't all fit in each others shoes. One thing is certain though, when we submit to drug testing we are doing little more than peeing on our hands.

Update and Lowdown - July 19, 2011

I finished the Oliver Twist and am now reading an abridged/children's version to the kids. Juliet is mostly uninterested, but Ben asks me to read it morning, noon and night. I asked him the other day, "Do you like the story??" and he replied, "Yeah, but I don't like some of the people in it." Good insight, buddy. I went to college with people who disliked entire stories because of the sordid characters or the language... I love that my son, at six years old, is not among them.

Juliet brought me a "Junie B. Jones" book the other day and politely stood beside my desk.

"Would you like to read this?" she asked very sweetly.

"Well, we have some work we need to do today. When would you like me to read it?"

She thought about it for a minute, then said, "Well, maybe we can read a chapter then do some work, then read a chapter, then do some work. Like that."

I can't believe how much she loves these books. I read them daily.

Juliet dictated to us where she wanted the furniture in her room and we moved it accordingly. She seems extremely happy to have it rearranged and it does look nice and cozy, when it's not a mess... which it pretty much always is.

Benjamin has become suddenly more interested in video games, board games and activities than he is with just toys. He says he wants to get rid of his train table and I'm sad to see it go. Some little boy is going to be ecstatic, though!!

The kids are gearing up for a Garage sale. They have a number of things that they feel they have out grown and we've discussed the need for art supplies in our house, especially crayons and canvases. It is my goal this year, to take the kids to at least one live theatre performance, be it a play, a concert, a musical, I want them to experience it because I think they'll love it and they're ready. Here's to setting goals!

RagRugs

I wore shorts, out in public, for the first time in five years. I've worn short pants, capris, you name it, but nothing above the knee. And I finally got the courage to dawn some shorties. It was lovely and breezy and I was cool. (as apposed to hot, nobody really looks "cool" in shorts)

Jogging has sucked a little lately. Mainly, I feel too damn tired. Probably because I haven't been eating right. I know I'm not the only person in this nation who feels entitled to have a greasy ass burger and fries with a soft drink and then go run a marathon house cleaning. So, I suppose, since the house really does need a good clean, I should lay off the crap. Why is eating bad so delicious?

I have some pet projects that might be surfacing soon. I want to crochet some gynormous rag rugs for the kids' rooms. I want to make them in four parts and make them detachable for easy washing and if I'm successful, I want to make one for the living room. I believe this is one of those do-it-yourself things that should be well documented on a personal blog. What do you think? Right! Go!

Soy Sauce!

Today is my Birthday and I feel bad because I opened a bottle of soy sauce that says "300 Years of Excellence" and now it's going to be icky in a few weeks. ;) <-- that smile is to show you that I am kidding. I don't feel bad about opening my soy sauce.

Yesterday I made myself a cake. I made the cake and the icing from scratch and I think I'm settled on never ordering another cake from the grocery story again. As it is, I'm going to have to offer up pieces of my cake to all my friends because it is so rich that it is only edible in small pieces and, therefore, will last way too long in my house.

We slept with the windows open last night!! Man I am convinced if we had an attic fan we could almost completely eliminate the use of the AC unit. Then again, we would be running that attic fan a lot. And our house isn't really set up for an attic fan.

Bryson says he has been to five stores to find a specific gift for me, and can't find it. He even said that a couple of the places, when he asked, said they haven't been asked for one of those in a LONG time. My curiosity is peaked!

Hypocrisy 101

So much for keeping our AC off at night. Why must it be so balmy at 10pm?

I think we need to acclimate ourselves better. I hate to say it, but I'm so temped to revert back to the old days when they hung damp sheets in the windows. These simplistic ideas are fascinating to me and I wonder why practicing them brings me such joy? I'm starting to think that all this machinery isn't good for us..... I type into my super cute, back lit keyboard. Not you Macbook... I LOVE you!! Hypocrisy anyone?

I've been hanging my laundry up all summer. I love it. There are somethings that I don't hang though. Towels and underwear get too crispy and socks use up too many clothes pins. But shirts, shorts pants, dish towels, rags, you name it. I hang 'em like crazy. And the stuff that goes in the dryer I put on the lowest setting so as not to add too much heat. I'm thinking I would also like to get one of those racks that you hang from the ceiling and put it in our Laundry room for the winter. I've noticed that 100% cotton items get super soft when laid out to dry. I'm telling you, I don't know why all these chemicals are needed. This stuff is so easy with out them.

I'm Accepted. Are You Accepted?

I think it's hilarious when after entering my age and weight into the treadmill it scrolls the words, "age and weight accepted." I feel more welcome at that point.

I hate that we had our AC on last night. It stormed and we didn't even know about it! AND to make me really feel like shit, about five minutes ago, it was cooler outside than it was inside and yet, that damn AC was just a hummin' away. So, I turned it off and opened some windows. It's supposed to rain again today and be overcast. I think if there were any day during the month of July that I could give the unit a break, this would be the one. Please beautiful world, let me redeem myself!

I'm mailing my application to the college today. It is extremely late, but thankfully, they don't have a deadline. If I get accepted, I can defer my student loans which is obviously not that important to me or else I would have applied a lot sooner, but it would be nice.

I'm on a Substitute list for the private school that the kids will be going to... only not the Lower School, but the Upper School. Bryson thinks I should also put my name on the public high schools in the area and I think I will, just to be sure I get called. I'm not looking forward to the process of actually getting my name on the list. Public schools can be so unorganized. By the time you've gone through the motions you typically are an expert and wonder why it took so damn long. But, maybe I'll be surprised.

Happy Hump Day!!

Blank Lines

I spent the day finishing my statement of purpose for the Master's Program.... hence, no blog post. But I've been working on this bad boy on and off for months now.... so it might as well not go to waste.

Some of the names have been changed to protect my super secret identity... oh and just to make it fun (and impossible to read) I'm going to strategically place spaces for a little unnecessary censorship. ENJOY!

Harry Potter

_____ of Purpose

May 9, 2011

Summit

When I decided to take _____ at a local community college in the fall of 2003, I was _____ and I was _____. I felt like I was _____ and had just decided to ride a _____ swing into the lake for the first time. Everyone says it’s all about letting go at the right time, but I wonder if there isn’t some hidden _____ to it that those who have _____ before, know, but won’t tell. I set out to do the bare _____. _____ what was required, turn in _____ and _____ up to class. What actually happened was _____ed. I was engaged by the _____ matter, confident in my _____ and I even started raising my _____. I soared through three semesters before taking a _____ to have _____ and all the while I was waiting for it to be my turn again. Fueled by my _____ classes I changed my _____ from _____ to _____ and in December of 2010, I _____ed with honors and basked in the glory of _____ing that long term goal. However, when I was asked the _____ question that comes to all graduates about what was next, I didn’t know. Now, having been out of _____ for a semester, I know what I want.

I want to _____ and I want to _____ others to _____. There was a time when _____ caused me extreme anxiety and, although now I willingly share daily _____ with the world, I still _____ up ever so slightly at the thought of having to _____ a point or tell a story in it’s _____ and do it justice. When I read the requirements for the _____ _____ I am taunted by the _____ work and excited by the idea of _____ing further the _____s that were skimmed across during my bachelors _____. I wonder what topics I will _____ about and how much better my _____ will become.

I’m scared that I will not be as equal to the task as I was before. The thought of dragging my _____ through stumps and stones is terrifying but I would rather white knuckle a rope and feel the _____ slide away than shiver on the shore wondering, “Is the _____, “good” in “good _____ing” really subjective or does it cover a few basic ingredients?” I want to teach the “_____ing recipe,” if there is such a thing. I want to share my passion for _____. I want to learn _____ and how it is practiced in the _____.

I love _____ing. I love _____ing and critiquing and making my _____ crystal clear with just the right _____ or sounds. But I am still clinging to that _____. Either I lack the instinct to let go or I have not yet reached the _____ that my bones tell me I am waiting for. I want to rejoin the _____ Department at The Chinese Institute of Technology because I am not satisfied with skimming the _____. I want to make a splash and I’m going to hold on until the _____ can’t carry me any higher. Then, perhaps, I will let go.

Couch Time

I recently found a great little magazine called, The Sun. It contains no advertisements, just short stories from authors, muses by readers, letters, poems, quotes and one excerpt from a novel per issue. It's beautiful and real and I can't wait to submit something, someday.

I realized, to my dismay, that reading work by authors who are alive today, fills me with a bit of anxiety. I feel pressured by time to write something worthwhile, myself. Or to be worthwhile, myself. It almost cuts off my airways and I believe the only remedy is to dive in and read as much as I can. My biggest fear is that I will find nothing but superiors and that I, myself, will shrink into nothingness. But, why should I fear that? Even that would be a first for me... Nothingness, might be what I need. Either way, I need to face this fear. I am a writer. That is what I am. I can be good, or I can be mediocre, but I have made up my mind to be a writer and it is time to pursue it, come what may.

I'm scared.

Beat It!

As we crossed the invisible line that separates Missouri and Kansas, our car kept the secret that the weather was changing, drastically.

When we stopped for gas with about an hour left, I walked to the little girly's room and when I got back I was thirsty. I must have been really thirsty, because I drank almost an entire liter of water in that last leg. When we arrived home, despite having to pee, I was still parched when our 86 year old neighbor came to tell us the latest news and inform us that this heat that we were experiencing, right now, while melting away listening to her tell us all about it and how awful it is, was around 105 today. I thought I was going to have to slap her and dodge to the door to steal some 86 degree gasps from our otherwise sweltering house. By the way, we are now well informed as to what degree she dislikes our hose (she used her own to water our flowers today, and NO, we did NOT ask our 86 year old neighbor to water our flowers! That was supposed to be the job of the lady in her 60's, two houses down, but 86-er likes to have her hand in our yard... not to mention the part of her driveway that is in our yard, which I will reserve the right to bring up only as a last resort to get her out of my hair).

Uh hum.... Where was I? Right! So, it's freakin' HOT right? And dry! and WINDY! And I'm thinking about how much more water it is going to take me to feel less reptilian when it dawns on me that I must put on a ton of water weight living in HotDryWindy, KS. And if that's so, and the sweating that I do at the gym would just be normal in CoolHumid, MO, then I know what I am really doing, when I dawn my sneakers and push the QuickStart button on the treadmill. And what I believe I am really doing, my friends, is running away from Kansas!

DING!

Times up. Mmmmm.... and that couch was SO comfy today.

Just writing to say I'm not writing.

We are having way to much fun as you can tell by today's late post.

Yesterday, we played some arcade games, went fishing, went swimming, got rained off of a playground, hid inside with puzzles and games, cooked campfire dinners, and saw blue-ish, green-ish, purple-ish flames in our neighbors campfire.

Today we have gone fishing, hiking, played more games and now Ben is cracking himself up making Wii Sport characters fall over going after a tennis ball. For the record, we don't own a Wii, but the resort does and the kids LOVE it!!

Opps, looks like I'm playing tennis...... peace!

Photos of Small Town, USA

This town has some great old buildings and I was strangely fascinated by the juxtaposing of brand new fireworks stands next to old buildings and signs.

So, here are some visual stimulants. Enjoy.

Lazy Bones

Today marks the first day of our vacation, though we haven't actually left the house yet. The first leg of our journey only requires a two hour drive which has me wholly unmotivated. I still need to sweep, vacuum, do the dishes and because our dogs have flea and tick oil down their backs, I'll be giving them a pre-vacation scrub. As much fun as it is to pet a greasy dog, I think I will spare my fellow vacationers. And, yes! We are taking the mongrels with us. In fact, there will be four dogs in one house at our first stop, one of the dogs being a Lab puppy! It should be extremely fun!

Last year there was a moment when I thought I would split a side from laughing so hard. We had our two big dogs visiting my Mother -in-law's two small dogs. But Sidd (our German shorthair mix) doesn't like little yippy dogs that are too full of energy. He finds them highly suspect. However, Prot(our coon-hound mix) will play with anything that farts in his general direction, and he is completely tolerant of energy surpluses. So, his big floppy ears and clumsy dumb paws moved ever so slightly and lazily to fight back this little Schnoodle(schnauzer-poodle mix), who was working furiously to take our gentle giant DOWN! It was liking watching time-lapse and slow motion at the same time.

Well, my coffee is kicking in. Tune in next time while I blab on about our snail collection and successfully cure insomnia.

WAKE UP!

Vacation Stress

We are leaving tomorrow for a week long vacation. STRESS!!! I'm way too ADHD for packing and preparing for a trip. My mind literally works like this:

"Ok, what's on my list? Laundry. Right. I need to check the washer... What is this box doing here? Oh! I need to add that stuff to it, well, I can do that real quick. Wait! Where is that one container? That container needs to go in this box for sure. Damn it, I need to find that container. Maybe it's in the kitchen! .... um.... what did I come into the kitchen for? Man, this place is a mess. I couldn't find anything in here if I tried. It will be better once I get those things off the counter and into the cooler. Maybe I'll do that real quick. Do we have ice? I really shouldn't pack the cooler until we get ice. I need to run to the store for water, I'll pick up ice while I'm there. Maybe I should leave and do that. Yeah, I should. I'll just go get dressed... Where are all my clothes? I only need five outfits for the week. Let's see, one, two, three... where in the hell are those super comfy pants? Oh! Their in the laundry! I need to check on the washer....."

Focus is not my strong suite at times. In fact I'm a fanatical list maker because I often feel suffocated by too many "to dos,"so, I write them down to make them small and tangible. I'm going to do that now... as long as I don't get side tracked.... say, by another blog post.

God Bless China!

It's the first day of vacation and I have settled nicely into a routine of playing games on my iPod, taking naps, reading, taking walks and riding a bike everywhere I need to go in this Small Town, USA. The bicycle I've been riding is my Father-in-law's antique Schwinn and it is AWESOME! I feel like I'm not even working but gliding everywhere I go.

Some young punk tried to give me shit at the fireworks stand, "You buyin' some fireworks?" he said. I answered in the affirmative and he said, "Hope they fit in your basket."

REALLY?

I'll have you know the basket on this bike is HUGE! Surely this young man could see that. I would have to be the most disgusting type of consumer to drive a big-ass, diesel engine two blocks up the road just so that I can buy so many China made freedom bombs that they wouldn't fit in this basket and be damned if I was gonna make two trips! In other words, I'd have to be an American. Thank you youngster for pointing out my unpatriotic decision. I'll be sure to make that mistake more than once, but perhaps I will affix a nut sack to the seat. That should, at least, make somebody happy.

I painted my toes red, white and blue because I thought they would look cute and I can get away with it for the month of July only. Painting any part of my body those colors when it's not this time of the year sends a message that I am strongly opposed to sending. However, the first person who calls me patriotic over it will enjoy a dose of my sarcasm, "Yes. I just love France and England. Wouldn't it be great if they made our fireworks?"

My Mangos Are Ripe and My Banana is Happy!

Sunday June 26, 2011

This weekend has felt like a summer solstice celebration. We spent this morning nursing the sunburns that we achieved at an all day beach party with some friends. We applied sun screen twice throughout the day, but when you spend 7 hours in the sun, it is recommended to apply it four times. I'm not kidding the bottle actually says that it "maintains" it's SPF for 80 minutes. Hmph. No more losing track of time!

This afternoon we all went food shopping and bought a dozen over ripe mangos for six bucks. I love mango season. Then this evening, while the steaks were on the grill the kids ate giant pickles and a plate of chopped up mangos. YUM! Nothing says summer like over ripe fruit and a pickle wrapped in a paper towel.

After making a frozen mango sorbet we only have two mangos left. Unfortunately, I think the

family is all mango-ed out, but hey! At least my banana is happy!