Later Hater

I can't type. That is evident. Apparently, I can't spell either. WHERE HAS MY BRAIN GONE?!

I really hope I get it back soon. Today I was making fun of a Chick-fil-a owner in Georgia who fired a woman to encourage her to stay at home with her kids. I was pretty offended as you can imagine, but I only wanted to include the facts, so I accidentally typed, "She is sewing." LOL OBVIOUSLY I meant to say that she was SUING!!!  But my brain had a two minute glitch, and dumb-ass flowed from my finger tips. <hanging head in shame> Of all the misspellings to make... suing and sewing?? In a comment about misogyny?! You have got to be freakin' kidding me.

You know, on a more serious note, I have been a bit depressed lately. I hear about this Chick-fil-A business and how the President of the company came out openly against homosexuality. Then some guy fires a worker of 21 years for being a mom, pretty much. Kansas and Arizona make it legal for doctors to withhold information from pregnant women about the health of their baby. I can't even listen to an hour of XM radio without hearing a comedian put women ten feet underground. I'm feeling persecuted, left and right, but I had a great thought today!

You see, it's been shitty for women for a LONG time. But it's not shitty for me! I mean... not totally, and certainly not as shitty as it used to be. What is bothering me is the sudden emergence of the hatred. Ah ah! But hearing about it means that somebody out there is reporting it! And it is getting reported with fervor!

Furthermore, the majority of sexists and misogynists would prefer women to just keep quiet. At least they expect women not to have any opinion on the matter (evidenced by the all-male panels concerning contraceptives). And that is where I win! Simply by recognizing injustices, simply by talking about it, simply by being offended and knowing that it is not right for a group of humans to be treated this way, I am a walking protest. I will work and mother, I will earn an education, I will raise my voice, I will have an opinion and my daughter will know that while women CAN do anything; they are not required to do it ALL. Being offended simply means I am not being obedient.

So, yes, I feel better.

Manly Essence

Well, I'm still working on the controversial issue. I'll probably need to not be on vacation to finish it. It isn't like I can just throw my own opinion out there and be diplomatic. It would be fun... but aren't there enough blogs doing that?

I'm stirring up shit in my personal life. It has come to my attention that, as a woman, I can't really just enjoy life with out some sort of ridicule. You think I'm being dramatic, but I can't even listen to Raw Dog Comedy on Sirius XM radio with out hearing derogatory comments about women. Just yesterday, no shit, a comedian said, "I have to be careful talking about PETA and vegetarians, because I'm not supposed to make fun of women." At first, I didn't even understand the joke, but a few people in the audience chuckled, so I thought about it. Why is that funny? I tried to imagine it in reverse. I have to be careful talking about PETA and vegetarians, because I'm not supposed to make fun of men? Oh, I get it... the comedian made a joke that assumes all PETA members and all vegetarians are women... and by doing so, insulted them. So, it's a double insult to women. It's like saying, "I have to be careful talking about comedians, because I'm not supposed to make fun of ______. Whatever word is inserted in the blank becomes not ONLY worse than comedians, but also an insult to the _______ for being worse than comedians. What the fuck did women ever do to him? It's sad when comedians have to resort to hate because their schtick isn't getting laughs. I hope PETA members and vegetarians didn't find it too insulting. I'm a damn fine woman! They should consider themselves lucky to be compared to me or any of the women in my life. In my world that isn't an insult, even though it was clearly meant to be one.

I'm sure that the Woman-hating Comedian would probably say that he makes fun of everyone equally, but this is no real consolation to me unless he spends most of his time making fun of himself. You see, the real assholes in our world put other people down, typically, to lift themselves up -- they know this and we know this -- but they very rarely find their own short-comings funny. That's why this comedian is probably careful when talking about himself, because it would be tasteless to make fun of a social disease.  <exaggerated wink>

Exactly!

Cheese / Bored

I haven't been interested in writing much lately. Well, that's not entirely true. I've been writing in my family journal regularly. We've been traveling and every day is a new adventure. I feel that it is my duty to record our memories from day to day.
The trick though is to record the facts. I'm not big on rose-colored glasses and of course everything is more fun when you're on vacation and away from worries of laundry, cooking every night and paying bills. So, I try not to go overboard and exaggerate our experiences.
It's not like my entries are boring. They're somewhere between "4pm - ate an early dinner" and "As the lake breeze blew the scent of frog eggs through the conifers, we sat gossiping over our beers and the smoke of a chicken-filled grill.
I think I tend to stick to tangible things:
"After sampling Lime-a-Ritas at Grant's Farm, we had to stop for a 12 pack on the way home! Then Hubby smoked some turkey burgers for the family and they were delicious!"
You know, we're having fun, but our lives aren't some cheesy novel. Not yet anyway.

Oh dear... I think you've glazed over. How 'bout some controversy tomorrow?

Vacation!

We are leaving on vacation this evening - the whole family and the dogs. Gryffindor, the cat, gets to stay home.

I haven't been writing enough World. Fitness has taken over my life! I don't want it to always be that way. I mean, I want to always be health conscious, but I hope that it becomes second nature and once again falls to the background, behind the things I like most. I miss all the reading and writing. I'm not even half-way through Madame Bovary and I need to start working on lesson plans. I'm sure I will get it done, but at some point, I'm going to have to tear myself away, intellectually, from my fitness program.

When that happens, let the opinions begin again!!! I have some good ones brewing. In fact, I could use another posting of NIPP (Not Interested in Partisan Politics). I have a doozy to NIPP in the bud! And I think I need to take-on our neighborhood Ice Cream Truck soon. It isn't going to be pretty.

Anyway. I'm off to pack! I hope to piss some people off soon! (not really) Have a great weekend World!

Dear Abby Normal,

This is my letter to a woman who called herself "not normal" because she is 32, unmarried, without children, in a successful career, and never wants to be a housewife. This is what I want to say to her:

Dear Abby Normal,


I think you have every right to call yourself "not normal" if you want to, but I hate that you feel the need to categorize yourself in that way. I hate even more that in the same way you consider yourself to be NOT normal, you might consider me to be normal. I often feel very NOT normal, even devious. But it seems that from your perspective I have followed some predetermined path. And you're right! I am normal in that I am a normal human being, trying to fit my life into the life I have made with others. I am not normal in that I don't kowtow to societies expectations of motherhood-martyrdom, doting damsel or count-your-blessings bigotry. BUT, I am not defending my life, and I don't think you should either.


I tell you this because I have a daughter, and I want her to understand that women don't need the molds society gives us. Normal is what we say it is! I hope she makes her own path just like you and I did, but never considers herself NOT normal for doing it. We need to change society. While you raise yourself up, stand tall, and declare independence, don't forget to wave, every now-and-then, to the other women at the same altitude but on different mountains. We can all be good at what we do. It's when we believe that we are doing something wrong by not following some pre-made path, that we end up hurting each other and ourselves. You are not ABnormal. You are just you. No excuses!


Your Fan,
CyniSister

Full of Shit. What Can I Say?

Now, I must preface this by saying that THIS WAS NOT MY IDEA! My beautiful cousin did this over a year ago and since seeing her amazing creation, I have been wanted to try it too.

What is it?

Why it's paper towel rolls of course!  Ok.. there are some toilet paper rolls in there too. We run out of TP faster than we do paper towels. It happens when you're full of shit.

Anyway, you simply cut them into inch-thick rounds and start glueing them together however your muse tells you.

I still need to spray paint them but I will update this post when that happens.

Oh! And by the way, this is super easy and the cardboard sticks together extremely well, so I definitely suggest giving this a try as a fun way to create wall art and repurpose cardboard rolls.  Enjoy!

Mary Had a Lamb of God!

July 16, 2012

Well World, I'm one year older. I was hoping to be one year older and 6 hefty pounds lighter, but my monthly bloat hit at the same time as my birthday and 5 of the 6 pounds I skimmed off in the past three weeks suddenly popped back up. I know it's temporary, but like a stubbed toe, it still sucks!


This week, I am trying to get my house cleaned up and the laundry done before we take a trip to St. Louis. I obviously need clothes to wear and I LOVE to come home to a clean house. So today I swept and mopped. Tomorrow I will tear up the bathroom and dust. Wednesday is the last laundry day before packing begins and Thursday I'll do a quick straighten and take the kids to the pool so that the house can remain uncluttered. Yeah right! Who am I kidding? I'll never stick to that kind of structure! But maybe writing it down will lead to a proper effort. ha!


At the moment, my daughter is watching and singing "Mary Had a Little Lamb" along with some muppets on the computer while Lamb of God is playing in the background. The effect is dizzying. I think I'll put in some earbuds and pipe solo piano music into my cortex! Holy Jeez!


*                *                  *                *


I'm tired today. The good news, though, is that I'm only tired. I'm not exhausted, and considering the fact that I ran at the track today AND mopped four rooms of my house AND cleaned the kitchen, finished laundry and made dinner, I really should be more exhausted. So, my energy level is pretty kick ass!


Oh! And the kids and I made some awesome art today! Oh... but this is already long enough. I'll take some pictures tonight and tell you all about it tomorrow!


Good Night World! Sleep Well.

Sex God

Uncensored thought for the day:

I've never understood the phrase "under god." Whenever I find the time to "meet god" I'm typically on top.  <badoomp tsssz>

Laying Down Laminate

When I decided to lay laminate, I looked around YouTube for an instructional video, but the one I found just said exactly what everyone else said. 1) "It just snaps together" and 2) "Try to vary the seems."

I am here to tell you, that those two little worthless utterances won't help you a bit if you're installing laminate for the first time; and the boxes that the laminate comes in, won't include instructions. So I apologize to those of you who don't care to read this, but I feel it is my duty to share some helpful tips with anyone thinking about installing laminate in the near future. If you know someone who might be interested, do them a favor and share this with them!

These are the things that no salesman, hardware store Rep., or Do-it-yourself video, taught me. I had to learn them on my own. Male or Female, Old or Young, Carpenter or Not, you can do this, but I don't see why you should have to make the same mistakes I did.

Helpful Hints:

1. You need a special tool called a "pull bar" that can't be bought at any regular tool store, but must be bought where laminate is sold. I actually had a gentleman at a hardware store argue with me about what I needed. Here's what it looks like and with out it, you won't be able to get those seams as tight as you would like.

2. You will also need a block to put next to the laminate for purposes of hitting with your rubber mallet (you will need a rubber mallet too) so that you do not hit the laminate directly and hurt the tooth or grove.

3. *This is important for your sanity!* There may come a time when the piece of laminate you are installing attaches beautifully at both ends but not, at all, in the middle. It will appear as though the board is warped. It isn't. The floor is warped -- it's natural. Put aside the piece you are trying to install before you beat it to death and throw it out the back door. Then grab your mallet and block and bang in those two areas on the laid floor where the new piece seemed to attach nicely. Give them a good 5-10 strong whacks! That will even out the line and the new piece will go in easier. I took one for the team and beat a board to death before I figured this out. It was a small price to pay if I can now share my knowledge with you.

4. You don't actually have to try to vary the seams. Say you lay the laminate from left to right across your floor. If you start by laying a whole piece on the left, you will have to cut the very last piece on the right. But the piece that you cut will leave you with a piece to start with on the left, and since you started with a whole piece on the left last time, your seam will be varied. I wasted some boards in the beginning trying to be a good little seam vary-er. It isn't necessary. After about 5 rows I realized, that I had naturally started to alternate the left between whole pieces and cut pieces and my seams were varied, just like that.

5. When you finish the laminate and before you re-attach any trim, take the time to walk the floor and check out your seams. If you see any gaps that look larger than you'd like, now is the time to beat them in. This will be impossible to do once the trim is attached. No one else will notice those seams, but you will want to check for them especially if you put laminate in the house where you live (I have a few seams that haunt me now because I didn't do this).

Good luck!

Oh the BUSY Days of Summer?

Forgive me world, for I have been far too busy to write you regularly.

Of course you knowI finished the floor in my office. It looks so much better and the house no longer has that dusty, musty smell. But when we were finished with that, we spent a day moving furniture around. During the construction, our office was in the dining room, and our table was in the living room. It was crowded but it gave us a great idea!

So, when we had this big "back room" to do with as we pleased, we became a little giddy. We moved just about every room around. Now, I realize that I probably say this every time we move our furniture, but I REALLY like the way the house looks this time! ha ha

We put our table in the newly floored "back room" with our two 70's-style lamps and our 50's-style couch (so cute); the drum set, piano, and writing desk are in the center of the house (what used to be the dining room) along with the papasan chair; and the desks, bookshelves and wing-backed chairs are in the front room. It's almost as if we have themed rooms.

Notice I didn't say anything about a T.V. We still don't own one. That makes seven years now! Whoop Whoop!

Ok... gotta go do some work on myself. My eyebrows are OUT OF CONTROL!

World, Peace!

Just Eat the Damn Cookie!

Last night, at another one of our crazy family dinners, we all started cussing at each other. It was a new game. Actually it started with Little Man. He was pretending to be a shitty parent a few days ago, making us laugh, and bursted out with, "watch the damn movie!" and we all just about fell over laughing.

In case you don't remember, our kids are allowed to cuss in the house unless they get in trouble cussing somewhere else, then the freedom is taken away at home too.

So there we are, sitting at the table when I pass out these marshmallow cookies for everyone to try and  it gets quiet when suddenly Little Man mutters, "Just eat the damn cookie!" And once again there was an eruption of laughter. So Little Woman chimes in, "This cookie is damn good!" And like that, a new game was started. We could talk about anything we wanted, but we had to throw "damn" somewhere into every sentence.

And so it went for some time.

"These cookies are damn good"

"You're damn right"

"We should have turned the damn lamps on."

"Well who turned the damn overhead on?"

"This winter when it gets dark so damn early, we're getting the damn candle's out."

"We can have a damn candlelit dinner!"

But then Little Woman cuts in and tells us a story. She doesn't cuss and we don't really expect her to, because she seems pretty serious. She tells us about this kid at camp that punched her friend in the stomach because after he didn't help them erect a fort, she wouldn't allow him to get in it. We asked if her friend cried. She said no. I asked if her friend punched him back. She said no. So I asked, "Did he get out of the fort?" And you no what that daughter of mine said?

"You're damn right he did!"

Show Floor

Hello World!

See this mess?

I made it! 

Check out my progress on the office! Demolition is DONE. I found out yesterday that when I start a project and each step is within reach, I find it VERY hard to stop! My back and legs are pretty sore. I finally had to stop because the flooring store I wanted to patronize is locally owned and therefore closed on Independence Day. I'm going there today, after the gym and before the pool. I've decided on laminate, but haven't decided whether I'm going with a tile look alike or hardwood. What do you think? As you can see the floor is ready for whatever I choose, whenever I choose it. Check it out!

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3 

Ready for flooring!

Don't be jealous.

UPDATED

Ta-da!

So Far, So Bored.

Sorry for the boring posts this week. I'm too busy putting a new floor in my office to worry whether my readers are properly entertained. It's not like this is a paying gig or anything.

So far I have two major pieces of furniture moved out of the office and I would have done more but I had to spend the last hour of my evening holding my six-year-old's hand while she cleaned up after herself. I honestly don't know where I went wrong with that one. She will clean-up after herself for everyone but me. What I hate even more is that if I want to punish her, I end up punishing myself. No trip to the pool for her means no trip for me. No movies or games means her head up my ass all day long. This is what I hate about motherhood. You can't just live by your own whims, you are a constant slave to the whims of other, immature and less reasonable whims. Gag me. I think I need a nanny -- not to do all the fun stuff with the kids like most people pay nannies to do, but to punish them and make them stare at a wall for two hours while I go have fun in the pool. That would be ideal parenting in my world. "Oops. You fucked up. We'll talk about it when I get back from having fun!"
<sigh>
If only.

So I guess tomorrow I'll get the rest of the furniture moved since it looks like lap swimming, diving for rings, giving piggy back rides, and having splash contests is not in my future. Somebody shoot me. I really hope this hurts her more than it hurts me.

Hmmmmm.....

Burn and Crash!

It's weeks like this that make me the warrior I am. I would really like to go to the gym and take the kids to the pool every day, but I also want to move the furniture out of my office and get ready to re-floor it. Oh! And re-floor it. Plus, I sort of need to go grocery shopping and it's sort of my job to cook dinner in the evenings, or at least have something planned that Hubby can take care of, which is difficult with a lack of food in the cupboards or lack of time to plan.

I think I'll try to do my workout in the pool, make a few crockpot meals, and maybe run to the store tomorrow evening after dinner -- without the kids.

Then of course, we'll see if I don't crash on my face Friday night. Anybody takin' bets?