Goal reached!!

I reached a short term goal of jogging for 15 consecutive minutes!! I had a little party in my head as I walked down to the studio where I take a "Butts and Guts" class. Then proceeded to kick my own tired ass. But, the good news is that I'm handling it well. I used to barely make it through the class and that was after only warming up for 5 minutes. Now I jog for 15 minutes, walk for 5 and make it through at 45-50 minute class!! I have come a long way and I've only had this gym membership for 3 months!

I don't know what other gyms are like, but at ours we can drop in on classes anytime we like. We don't have to sign up and we can come late, leave early, whatever fits our schedule. It's extremely convenient. Today I will jog after a "Yoga Basics" class. I love having a gym to go to.

Anyway, I just wanted to update!

Park it, Cancel it, Incorporate!

I say we all cancel our health insurance, park our cars for good and register our families as corporations!

First of all, if a corporation can donate to an election as an individual, than I, as an individual, should be able to register as a corporation. I would like government assurances that I will not go bankrupt. If I am failing as an individual, I think it would be nice to know that a bail out is possible. In fact, I'm not making CRAP on this blog, I think I will make it CyniSister Inc.! If I continue to fail, surely it will no longer be my fault. If the government can be corporate, so can we!

Also, what is wrong with us as human beings that we drive our cars to places so that we can stand around and bitch about gas prices??! Just imagine for a moment, parking your car in your garage or driveway and never using it again. Scary huh? Now imagine if EVERYONE did it. The streets would be empty, save for a few city busses that aren't bothering anybody by their frequent stops. Get out your roller blades, skate boards, bikes, trikes and unicycles and make all this pavement work for YOU! I could jog just about anywhere I need to go. And people who are having a hard time finding work could sell refreshments on the sides of the roads, letting the people who are saving $4 a gallon buy a bottle of water for $1. I know it sounds crazy, but supply and demand is working backwards for the oil companies. We should at least try to park our cars for a week, shouldn't we?

And that DAMNED insurance company. How dare they suck our wallets dry! Everyone knows that doctors and hospitals charge more to insurance companies because they know the bill is going to get paid. Everyone knows that those same bills are ambiguous at best and that the insurance company doesn't pay any mind unless they think they can get out of paying it. And yet everyone keeps on paying into to these blood sucking assholes! I say CANCEL IT NOW! I get so sick of hearing people talk about stimulating the economy with stupid little tax breaks and payouts. If health care was free THAT would stimulate the damn economy!! When you're healthy, you buy shit!

My new motto is PARK IT, CANCEL IT and INCORPORATE!

Lose Weight NOW! (or in a year or so)

Let's get REAL for a moment. Americans are way to obsessed with numbers! Age and weight are the two that spring to mind. Credit score is another, but unlike age and weight, credit scores can be useful in the lower ranges.

I am 32 years old, 5 feet one inch tall, and weigh 177 lbs. That's right! And it's NOT a lie. And I feel good! When I was 19 years old and the thinnest I have ever been, getting ready to join the Air Force and dating guys who would tell me I could stand to gain a few pounds, I weighed (hold on to you hats) 140 pounds. Don't ask me how. I've tried all kinds of excuses. "I'm big boned?" "I have more muscle tone?" "I wear more than a C cup bra?" The truth of the matter is, that I don't believe any of that. I think everyone else is just LYING! Peer pressure can be a debilitating force.

I won't play along anymore. My numbers don't matter to me in the least. Yes, I go to the gym because it makes me feel great. And yes, I did weigh myself. How else would I know what my number was? I'm only slightly interested in losing weight, and not for weight sake but for jee-whiz - something substantial to grab onto. Also the treadmill won't tell me what my peak heart rate is unless I enter my age and weight. In the interest of accuracy, I stepped on the scale.

The truth is that my target weight is 150 pounds. That probably sounds ridiculous to anyone who believes the hype and that actresses who stand 5'11" tall, actually drop to 90 pounds for a role. For a ROLL yes, they would be starving, but 90 pounds should be what we, as a society, consider ridiculous. It's called, malnourished, not thin. It's the truth. We should be interested in TRUTH, shouldn't we?

Here's some more dirty truth. It is unhealthy to lose a LOT of weight in a little time. People have lost sight of what is reasonable when it comes to weight loss. If you stop allowing yourself to be duped by propaganda, if you put on your "bullshit filter," if you will, then all you will hear is that the only true weight loss system that works is diet and exercise AND that it is unreasonable to lose more than 2 pounds a month. No matter what the biggest loser is doing (other than promoting unhealthy weight loss).

BULLSHIT ALERT!! Please dawn FILTER....

<--- IT'S A COMPUTER IMAGE! If the people aren't real, neither is the weight loss.... PERIOD!

SERIOUSLY? This computer wasn't just faking weight loss, it was simulating weight loss in a zero gravity chamber.

Hey Sweet thang, you're not special. I can buy pants three sizes too big too. And I might if it meant making $15 per bottle for a bunch of herbal "diet" pills. Then again, I would have to transform WHO I am... into someone dishonest.

(Side note: Joking aside, if you want to change who you are, you need a psychologist, not a diet.)

His Nails Are Painted Too!

The entire family is currently sitting on our front porch painting our nails, or getting them painted. It's amazing to me how innocent an art form this is when seen through the eyes of my 5 and 6 year old and yet, when I view it according to the rest of the world, boys with painted nails seems downright heinous. To my kids, it's just like temporary tattoos..... especially since it's so temporary. I mean it doesn't take a needle or ink and doesn't puncture a hole in any part of the body.

I see infants being carried around with earrings and can't help but think how that child must have screamed when that evil person held the stud gun to her lobe and pulled the trigger. And how shameful of the parents to think more of the child's appearance than her development. How can girls be taken seriously when from birth they are taught that looks are THAT important. Sure you can argue that it's a cultural thing. I would agree but debate that cultural tolerance should be reserved for those practices which are not sexist.

Why not write off my husbands brightly painted toes, my son's brightly painted toes and fingers and the fact that mine and my daughter's equal their splendor, as a cultural difference between our family and the majority of the world. We(the four of us) are a tiny culture saturated in gender freedom. Don't hate.

Starry Night

In the front yard after dinner last night, Benjamin flipped a toy onto the roof and Bryson decided it was time to take a little field trip. He went to the back yard, acquired our ladder from the shed and one by one, we mounted the roof top. I have a tiny, tiny, tiny fear of heights. I would probably do much better if I could just close my eyes and feel my way up, but my better judgement never allows me to shut my eyes when I'm that far off the ground. So, I have to breath through it. The way down is always much more terrifying.

So there we sat, the entire family of four, on the peak of our roof, looking down at the toy and

the rest of the world. Bryson showed us how to lay on our backs and let our skin and clothes catch on the shingles to hold us in place. We examined the clouds and the setting sun and found the thin atmosphere above our heads as it began to unveil the cosmos and a single star, just visible, shining down.

The toy was rescued and we were off the roof and back to our evening routine before dark. Bryson was the first to descend the ladder followed by Juliet, then me(I needed the most help) and then Ben, who wanted to stay until the end and feel what it was like to be alone on the roof. Sometimes world travel can be achieved right in your own backyard. (Especially when you're six.)

Livin' the DREAM!

Last night I had a series of intense dreams. For one thing, I met President Obama and Madonna in the same evening. I was also elected President and when I said Good Evening Mr. President to Barack Obama he said the same thing back to me.... and I was too emotional to question whether he should have actually said, "Ms. President." "After all," I thought to myself in my dream, "I believe that our future society will need to do away with gender specific pronouns and titles." That being said, I did live on a beautiful ranch with a humongous garden and my house was still only 1,370 square feet. Livin' the DREAM! Also in my dream I asked Madonna to autograph an emery board for my daughter, but she did one better and gave me three free t-shirts, autographing each one of them. She wrote something profoundly feminist and uplifting on mine, but I accidentally left them in D.C. This is understandable when you are being shuffled from room to room by the secret service. Fortunately I had to be back in D.C. the following week (YES, this was all in my dream) and as I was interrupting Obama's breakfast, his secretary brought me a package which my assistant opened then revealed to me the left behind Madonna t-shirts. I was happy to have them back since my kids were wholly disappointed when I forgot them the first time. Oh- and Barack Obama and I were discussing effective techniques of public-speaking and debate.... over breakfast... right... because, why wouldn't we... really?! I actually had to wake up this morning and remember that I was NOT, in fact, a public figure. So depressing.... I'm not even a writer. BOO!

Update and Lowdown

Today is Wednesday. The house is a mess, I'm tired, the kids are continuously fighting and the weather is beckoning us out of doors. I think a trip to the park is in order. Except that my kids have had less than desirable behavior. Where do you draw the line between discipline and much needed exercise? I mean, I know that if we went to the park we would all get along better, but I don't want to reward their behavior with fun. They should pick up their toys that are scattered around 3 of the common rooms of the house first shouldn't they? But I don't have the energy to argue with them about it. And it seems, at least this summer, that arguing is all we do. Maybe that's the problem. I hate that every time I make a request it is challenged. HATE IT! And, to be perfectly honest, the two little words, "Hey Mom," have been grating on my nerves for about the past week. How can a woman get a break or enjoy their children to a degree that makes a break unnecessary? I would be okay with either.

Update: Juliet still has some rough times coming, I think. Her major drama is that she would rather throw toys away than put them away. So, I eliminated her ability to throw toys away leaving her only the option of putting them away. It's been a long boring process and she's trying everything not to finish.

Benjamin has been fighting with me the most about his hair. It's long and curly and adorable. I have never had any intention of cutting it off. However, when his bangs got long, he literally started fighting with them and me simultaneously. No matter which one of us brought up his needing a trim he always treated me with disdain, as though

he thought I was going to shave his head while he slept(which makes no sense

because at the moment I have P!NK's hairdo and plan to do a faux-hawk the next time I'm out with friends. Why would I take that freedom from my son?). So, I shaved his head. Neither of us were happy about it, but immediately afterwards, he was my little man once again. Cool tempered, realistic and not irritable. (quite frankly, that's why I

shave my head!) He can earn back his long hair with less disdain. And he's just going to have to trust me when I want to trim it for him.

Today is Thursday. The house is still a mess, I'm slightly less tired, and Juliet is still sleeping(hence no fighting). They have a Melissa&Doug Responsibility Chart hung up and ready to be marked off, we have a few fun activities planned for after we do some cleaning and my kids and I are going to have a GREAT day! And that is just THAT!

On Thank You's

If you ever feel like you are a complete failure as a parent, you are not alone. The other day, my children started off the morning by punching each other in the face. I was so relieved when I finally got to drop them off at the Gym Daycare only to return 30 minutes later to a report that Juliet had been climbing onto and jumping from the craft table. My deep sighs were, no doubt, heard across Kansas on that day.

Then this weekend when Juliet had some of her favorite people around her for her birthday party, she clammed up and refused to thank them for their extremely generous gifts... or for just showing up, which, let's face it, always leaves me feeling a scoosh on the gracious side. "At wits end" was a phrase repeating itself in my mind until I finally took the deep breath that apparently broke the camels back.

I can't make my children feel grateful. If they feel like they deserve what they have coming to them, then, chances are, they probably do. And once again, I can't effect all that comes to them. Karma has a way of teaching long, hard lessons to children and I can hardly bear the pain when I see them experience it. What I can do, at least for now, is reach higher than they can.

So, I took the gifts that she was not thankful for and I put them up high(Sorry Karma, I'd like to drive this time). I got out the appropriate number of "Thank You" cards and I wrote on a separate sheet of paper, "Thank you for coming to my Birthday Party. Love Juliet," and she was to copy those words to the cards before she could have the gifts. Feeble attempt, I realize.

The beautiful thing about five year olds, is that they are just learning to write. This job took her three consecutive days to complete and it was all or nothing. One card did not equal one gift because you are either grateful or you fake it, you don't choose who to be grateful to. I think one of the greatest challenges for parents is making sure that a worthy lesson is taught within a discipline. I lose sleep over it at times. I think this one could have been better, but it served it's purpose eventually. On day two Juliet was half finished when she sighed and said, "I wish I wasn't snotty at the party." And THAT deep sigh was, no doubt, heard across across the universe.

****** I found these quotes on various websites, so their validity is in question, always ******

Your children need your presence more than your presents. ~Jesse Jackson

If you have never been hated by your child you have never been a parent. ~Bette Davis

Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them. ~Oscar Wilde

Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons

There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it. ~Chinese Proverb

There may be some doubt as to who are the best people to have charge of children, but there can be no doubt that parents are the worst. ~George Bernard Shaw

Mother Nature, in her infinite wisdom, has instilled within each of us a powerful biological instinct to reproduce; this is her way of assuring that the human race, come what may, will never have any disposable income. ~Dave Barry

The child supplies the power but the parents have to do the steering. ~Benjamin Spock, Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care

Having babies is fun, but babies grow up into people. ~M*A*S*H, Colonel Potter, "The Price of Tomato Juice"

I love to play hide and seek with my kid, but some days my goal is to find a hiding place where he can't find me until after high school. ~Author Unknown

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it, or leave it. ~Buddy Hackett

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. ~Bill Cosby, Fatherhood, 1986

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell, the name will carry. ~Bill Cosby

Parents are not interested in justice; they are interested in quiet. ~Bill Cosby

A child, like your stomach, doesn't need all you can afford to give it. ~Frank A. Clark

The trouble with being a parent is that by the time you are experienced, you are unemployed. ~Author Unknown

It's Hard This Morning!

We poured the concrete last night and set the pole for the clothes line! It turns out you really can't screw up with quickcrete, though, I tell you reader, we did try our best! Bryson stuck the hose in the bucket and after about a half a minute I mentioned that it was looking like a little too much water. The result was a soupy slop, but once it was poured into the hole, we realized that extra water was not a problem and Vuala! the concrete is hard this morning!

After digging the hole and pouring the concrete we wanted to make sure the dogs would stay out of it, so we set up some miniature picket fences,

and seeing how nice they look, we've decided to build a little flower box around the pole and plant some flowers under the clothes line. Worse case scenario would be that our clothes smell like flowers when they're dry.

Once again we had our air on for a minimal amount of time, yesterday. I turned in on at, about, 2:30pm and turned it off at 6pm because the outside air was already cooling and the breeze was beginning to pick up. At around 8pm we opened the windows and I never even broke a sweat. I love going to sleep to the sound of crickets and waking up with the birds. I really feel like we are creating our own little oasis, here, in the city.

I must remark that I used to be very "warm-blooded" in the sense that I would get hot at the least amount of warmth in the air. However, when I started walking and exercising regularly, that went away. I think my body is more capable of regulating its temperature now. I know that sounds crazy, but I stay cool easier and I can warm up faster when I want to. I know that exercise helps increase circulation and lower your heart rate. So, my only assumption is that when I'm warm and I move slower and my heart rate is able to lower to an extent that enables my body to remain cool. Then, when I'm cold and decide to move around, my heart rate goes up easily and, aided by better circulation, get's blood flowing to the areas that need warming; namely my fingers, toes and nose. I don't think 80 degrees would have seemed cool to me a year and a half ago. But I can promise you that it does now.

Wet Sand and a One Inch Hole

These green projects can be slow-going, but in the long run, I'm sure, it won't seem so bad. It's trial and error, especially because I'm not just going out and doing the first thing I see everybody else doing. For instance, buying an umbrella base to hold the clothes line pole is not a good idea. After diligently filling the base, through an inch wide hole with wet sand, not only did I have a sore back, but it turns out, I could blow it over. I didn't want to put a post in the ground, but it seems that might be my only option. Bryson says it will be easier than I think. I'm not worried about ease. I'm worried about quickness. The laundry is piling up!

I am sitting in my living room with the windows open, at 10pm, and the temperature is 80-ish.

(if it's over, it couldn't be much over) Actually I'm fairly certain it's below 80. I'm as cool as a cucumber. When the weather gets very hot and humid, we still do well with our system, but on days like today, when the high is only in the 90's and the breeze is cool all day long, we positively rock it! Our AC was on (not running the whole time) for six hours today. We shut down the windows and turned it on around 2:30. Then we turned it off around 8:30 and opened our windows about an hour later. Ahhh! What a gorgeous night.

Got Six on the Brain?

We've been doing great with the windows vs. the AC, but it's been hard in the evenings due to the humidity. The house is completely cool in the morning but every night is just down right sultry! Fortunately Bryson and I are the same kind of stubborn and when we set forth to use a utility less, we'll do it even if it means a little discomfort.

Yesterday I bought the outdoor clothes hanger but forgot to get the stand. So, I'm going back to Ace tonight. When I got the poles out of the box Ben asked why we had bought this crazy looking contraption. I explained to him that I

want to hang the clothes outside to dry because the dryer makes the house hot while we are trying to keep it cool and there was a perfectly plentiful supply of wind and heat outside in the summer months. It makes perfect sense. And that is when it became clear to me what is wrong with the world today, because my son said, "yeah, but it would be a lot easier to just put the clothes in the dryer," and I agreed. Then I pointed out that easier can also mean irresponsible and told him that while he made a good point and is a smart little guy, the problem with the world is that adults are still thinking like six year olds. He understood, which made him one six year old who is now thinking like an adult.

This Sultry Business Has Us Hot and Bothered

Argh! I absolutely hate taking my car in to be serviced. I especially hate taking the car in to be serviced when I have two children with me! AND I really hate taking my car to get serviced when I have two children and the service is more than an oil change and they have my car for six hours and don't tell me that six hours is a possibility when I drop it off. I was already tired of hearing how bored my children were after 30 minutes of waiting so I asked them if they wanted to go on an adventure and walk to the Gym. They said they did and about 45 minutes later, we arrived at the gym, hot and tired, but not thirsty as we all nearly drank my entire 48 oz. bottle of water on the way. They were overjoyed to sit in the AC and watch cartoons and I was warmed up nicely for my run, to say the least.

Now the kids really did a great job and I didn't want to make them walk back, so we called the Daddy and he picked us up and deposited us at the house and we all had lunch together. Still I was incredibly curious how far we had walked so I google mapped it. And I love google!

Did you know that when you google directions and google sees that it is a short distance they suggest a walking route??? Not only that but I'm fairly certain that the route is based on sidewalks or at least low traffic areas! How fantastic is that?? If I had known, we would have mapped it while we had wireless at the dealership and followed the directions all the way there. As it was we had to detour making what could have been a 1.3 mile walk (google's suggestion) into a 1.5 mile walk. Not that shabby. Like I said, the kids did great. I really wanted to walk up to Ace Hardware after lunch but the kids were not up for another exciting expedition in the heat, on the same day.

Milly and Otis

I may happily report that my kids absolutely LOVED their swim lesson. They did things for the instructor that they would have never done for me and then told me all about it, repeatedly, for the rest of the day. I am ecstatic.

Today, I cancelled my MonsterJob account. I am feeling a renewed sense of purpose and am looking forward to finishing my application to the Master's program. Perhaps closing a door has opened a window.

I continue to practice the scales on our piano, with it's new convenient location in the living room. It is my new go to spot to clear my head and think.

A stray cat and dog, traveling set, came moseying down the street last night. Female dog and male cat that I affectionately refer to as Milly and Otis. They adopted me despite my objections and I love them a lot but the house is crowded enough with our two monstrosities, so I will be taking them to the Humane Society today to try and identify them. Hopefully they have a chip.

Short List/Long List

I started my "monthly" in the middle of a class at the gym today. Add that to the short list of things I dislike about being a female and let's move on.

You can always tell that you are successfully working out regularly when a decent fifteen minute workout is considered your "bad" day. Add this to the very long list of things I love about working out regularly.

After recently discovering that the two shelves dedicated to children's books were brimming full, I have painstakingly combed the collection eliminating almost HALF of them and adding a much needed chapter-book shelf. Pictured below is what remains people! Those will never leave this house as I will save them until my kids are grown. The rest are loaded into bags and ready for donation to the kids' old preschool library. To my great happiness, both Benjamin and Juliet expressed they're dismay at saying good-bye to so many books. I agreed with them and reminded them, as I did myself, that we were still in possession of many FANTASTIC books to cherish for years to come.

My Kingdom for a Cabinet!

I'm reading Oliver Twist for the first time and yes, the English major in me hung her head as I typed that. Then the realist in me yelled, "HEY! I'm reading it now!"

Summer is officially here and my children are arguing over petty likenesses while Oliver Twist is getting shoved into a cabinet to sleep and I am feeling envious of his solitude.

I'm fascinated with Charles Dickens. I've heard people try to claim that sarcasm originates in America. Those people have obviously never read Charles Dickens(or travelled outside the country).

I'm still running everyday and my left foot still hurts. I haven't taken it to the doctor yet because the pain continues to change and I wanted to give my new shoes a fighting chance before throwing in the towel. Also, the clicking in my hip has stopped. I can do twenty leg lifts and it will maybe click once which is a fair improvement over the everytime it used to do. Still, I will probably make an appointment this week.

Watch this

Video!

I think we should cancel our insurance and give half of our saved monthly payments to Dr. Burzynski. After all, he seems to be the only real insurance there is anymore.

Capitalizing on Forbidden Fruit

I'm contemplating piano lessons. We have a "How to" book and I've taught myself the scales but I'm not very good at them yet. The next lesson is how to play Frére Jacques. I love the way the sound fills the living room. Very happy about this!!

We found out today that, while chocolate soy milk leaves something to be desired, Ovaltine in plain soy milk is absolutely delicious! Hurray for healthier choices! I'm curious about Carnation Instant Breakfast and more specifically the vanilla and strawberry flavors. I can't imagine them being less than fantastic when mixed with Soy milk. Everything is better with soy milk!

We will be harvesting wind and solar power to dry clothes just as soon as I get my butt to Ace Hardware to pick up an umbrella style clothes line. I hung an actual clothesline one year and ended up clotheslining the hubby one too many times. Poor, tall man.

Speaking of the family Sasquatch - we were able to have lunch with Bryson today. It was a nice mid-week treat. The best part was that before we left to meet him the kids were both hungry and ended up snacking on a salad(Ben) and strawberries(Juliet) beforehand. I think it's fantastic that we have those options for our kids and that our kids willingly accept those options. Eating right isn't cheap or easy... it's one of the many things wrong with capitalization.

Uno, Swimming and a Switcheroo

We rearranged the house again. I think we do it just about every 6 months to a year. Each time we get closer and closer to getting the TV out of our living room, but in a 1370 sq. ft. house it isn't easy! As luck would have it, on the exact day we were discussing a possible switcheroo, our neighbor brought us a tiny, little TV/VCR combo and it gave us the excuse we needed to ditch the 27 inch! Liberating is what it was. Now our little TV/VCR combo resides on(comically enough) a TV tray in the corner of our office with the DVD player on an old peach crate under it. The video shelf is between it and our roll-top desk and our piano is rightfully where it belongs in our living room next to our recently dusted record player. Let the living begin!

The kids will attend their first swimming lesson tomorrow morning. They are both less than enthused, but I think their first lesson will change their minds.

We played Uno until 10pm last night further proving that Juliet is unbeatable. We literally cannot remember when anyone else has won that game. Last night she sounded words out and practiced writing them in a book while playing. She would ask us to spell something and we would politely remind her that it was her turn, at which point she would pick up her hand, peruse it's content and lay a card down inevitably screwing up the next person's chance of getting ahead. Multi-tasking at the age of four. I am humbled by the genius of children.

Tornado Sirens

Tonight I was not able to buy the food in my cart after not getting sucked out of the grocery store meat locker by a tornado, only to return home, empty handed, and not get buried with rubble inside my neighbors storm shelter. But that was definitely a cozy hour spent with my son in each place and I'm not complaining. I just felt like a two year old today that the universe was saying, "NO!" to. Thankfully the storm was a two year old too.

New Approach

I've been inspired to try something new by many other blogs I read on networking sites. Although this blog has been extremely cathartic and not unlike what you might find in my journal, I don't feel that it represents what is on my mind most. Honestly, I'm a much more boring person than this blog depicts. ha ha.

The truth is, I have tons of goals and projects in the works and not posting about them has seemed a bit like lying or hiding something. So, here goes nothing.

June 9th, 2011

It is the time of year when I start thinking about handmade Christmas gifts. Not because we are broke,(which we are compared to some and not at all compared to others) but because my gifts take months to finish. I'm looking at crocheting projects for inspiration. Did you know that you can make ONE reusable shopping bag out of 50-60 plastic bags? I think this sounds fascinating and I would really like to try it! Obviously, this years holiday gift giving is going to have a green theme.

Two weeks into summer vacation and the kids are already tired of following me to the gym. To be fair there are many more kids in the daycare this time of the year and more kids means more likelihood of brats. So, I think it's time to sign them up for some swim lessons and other fun activities. It's spending money, but they will love it and I will have an hour to work out without the poor kids feeling put out. What is up with some peoples kids?

I still haven't applied for the Masters Program. I do want to attend, but I just don't want to apply. There's something wrong with that. I don't know what it is yet.

I'm waiting to hear whether the kids new school has received Ben's final kindergarten records. Everything I needed to do on my end is, PHEW, finally done. I also set up an account for them on my bank's bill paying website so that payments can be made easily. I can't WAIT to see how they do in their adorable little private school. They deserve the best for sure!

Flushit!

Why in the world is there even such a thing as an automatically

flushing toilet and in what stupid damn universe was THIS a good idea?! I bet if people from a hundred years ago could see us now they would say, "You've GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! In the future we're going to invent jet engines but be too stupid to flush the shit down the hole!" Seriously. They are loud, obnoxious, annoying and unnerving and sometimes they splash! Eck! Do people really forget to flush or are automatic flush toilets part of this whole germ fearing craze? Actually that's absurd. No way are people too afraid of germs to flush a damn toilet. Do we need reminding that we used to wipe with leaves and newspaper?... or our hands?! We have NOT become such germ-a-phobes that we can't even flush a toilet in the same room as a sink and soap! If you can't stand the idea of your hand having the slightest possible amount of inconsequential filth for the 3 seconds it takes you to walk to the sink, then YOU are the disease killing this world. I mean, I have been to toilets that flushed on their own and with such ferocity that it splattered me with water. I ask you: How is that more sanitary? I thought, "Great! Next they'll have to install showers so that we can wash off the piss water!" Clearly it wasn't for sanitation. I can't believe it's laziness, but I could wrap my head around some stupidity. It seems that everywhere I squat these days I see signs telling the users not to flush tampons, paper towels and now even, diapers! They should just wallpaper the stalls with freakin' instruction manuals on how to properly take a crap! Soon our dogs will be laughing at us because even they do it better. We can't figure out how to use one of the few things that is in every building in the country. Stupidity. Well, we can't cure stupidity by making everything automated. At some point, we as a species just have to get a little dirty. And whatever they were attempting to achieve with the auto-flush toilets, I'm fairly certain, they've failed.

Balmy and Sweet

It's been hot these last few days and we were forced to put on our air conditioning. We really don't like to use it, not because we're cheap and want to save the extra buck, but because we simply don't believe in modern Mans inability to acclimate. We acclimate ourselves every year, letting our house reach above 90 degrees before shutting it down and using the polluting power source, sparingly. This morning, however, is too beautiful to keep the house shut tight. In the spring, when the high is still in the 80's we have a fool proof method of keeping the house naturally cool by opening and shutting windows at designated times. We open them up until about two hours before the heat of the day(which is roughly the same time our inside temperature matches the outside temperature) and keep the house shut tight until the evening breezes begins to cool down once more. Then we open up the windows and doors and shush out that warm stuffy air with cool gusts. It works beautifully. Today, the high will be near a hundred and our air will run only enough to keep the house at a comfortable 80 degrees, however this morning, the temperature is in the low 70's and the wind is blowing the humidity out of our faces. We have decided not to let the AC run at night which means that the windows were opened late last night and a cool breeze was pouring in this morning. I can't get enough of it. It's so balmy and sweet that I can't help feeling like I'm on a tropical island. I also love that we will be saving at least 12 hours a day of running the AC. Anything has got to be better than nothing, especially when the anything makes you feel so good!

Shooting Blanks

I mentioned before that we don't watch television. The truth is we don't watch commercial television. We have a t.v., DVD player and VCR, but we don't have cable, satellite, a dish, a box or bunny ears. We get all the news from the internet and even enjoy The Daily Show, online, one day late. (We may watch it a day late, but we're never a dollar short. It's free!)

I was sitting in our two bedroom apartment, about six years ago, hanging out with my, then, one year old son and probably watching Ellen because he loved doing a little diaper dance with her and I was bound and determined to catch it on video and send it in. So there we were, going brain dead, and being completely unproductive, which is the television watchers motto, when a commercial came on for a local paint ball range. I didn't, however, know that it was a commercial for paint balling at first because when the commercial started all I saw was a man pointing a gun at the camera just before he pulled the trigger. The commercial continued despite my being completely appalled. Is that what this nation has come to? Shock tactics to make a buck? Are we really going to desensitize the masses just to sell a few rounds of Paint Ball?! What a complete dick head! I sat there unable to believe that I was exposing my precious boy to one of the biggest dicks in the world (or allowing this dick to expose itself to us), when it dawned on me that simply by watching television, I was exposing, not only my son, but myself to the worst possible people in this world, on a daily basis. With the exception of PBS and Public Service Announcements, people on television are either trying to sell you something, sell themselves or influence your decisions in a dishonest way. Do we even have brains anymore? And is there anyone alive who still knows how to use theirs? I turned the television off. No episode of Ellen was worth this torture. It's bad enough we have to be assaulted by local commercials in the first place, but now we're getting assaulted by their air rifles too. Sorry Ellen. I think you are wonderful but, let's face it, as much fun as you seem to be having, you make a hell of lot more money than the average American and all I can hope is that you continue to do good things and balance your power over the world with responsibility for it. You see, we are kidding ourselves to think that the majority of television personalities do. And for that reason, they are not worth the 19 hours a week the average American spends watching them (according to a 2009 survey release by the US Department of Labor. Linked Here) Why continue to allow ourselves to be manipulated by people only interested in making money? And how would we change as people if we no longer allowed ourselves to be?

Six years later, the answer is that we changed drastically, and not very much at all. We have become stronger versions of ourselves because our thoughts and attitudes have not been diluted by the public opinion. We don't get confused easily by questions of morality but marvel at those who do. We're brimming with confidence because we are not accosted by unrealistic images of beauty and our minds are sharp because they have not been dulled by the mind-numbing banter of people getting paid to banter in case it improves their ratings. And to answer the question, "How do you live without television?" Well, it's been six years, and we haven't died yet!

Traveling Nut Show

I've been in St. Louis visiting my family this week. It's been busy, fun and exhausting. I always tell myself that I will get more sleep on vacation, but I never do. The kids go to bed at semi-decent hours, which is to say that they get to sleep before I do because there is always some late night game or discussion (or both) taking place around the dining room table. Bryson was unable to accompany us, so I also get to Skype with him before the kids go to bed and last night Benjamin gave him a virtual hug. I love that boy.

I packed only enough outfits for half of the days and brought a sack of soap nuts with me. I like packing light and, let's face it, doing some laundry halfway through is really not that difficult since the invention of washing machines and dryers. The added bonus is that I was able to show my mother just how easy they are to use. But after tossing my nut sack into the bottom of the washer, she asked me a really good question. So soap nuts are good for the environment, but other than that, why do you use them? I'm so glad she asked. Here are just a few of the answers I have come up with off the top of my head, feel free to add to them:

1. They're cheaper - After using soap nuts to wash your clothes, soften your clothes, dust your furniture, clean your windows, mop your floors, wash your car, soak your jewelry and line your compost bucket, they have paid you back in full!

2. They're good for you - Not only is their USE good for the environment, they are also biodegradable and hypoallergenic. Whether or not you believe that the world was created for us or that we were created for the world, one thing is becoming more and more evident as we evolve. We ARE compatible with the planet we live on. These beautiful little dried fruits give you a clean that makes "Clean Linen" scents smell artificial. You're clothes, sheets, rags, etc. are just clean, pure and simple. (And dish rags no longer get that musky smell anymore. No shit!)

3. They are sustainable - If using them helps the environment and growing them depends on a healthy environment, they - in essence - charge their own batteries. If the lights went out tomorrow and factory labs could no longer produce detergent, we could throw our nut sacks into a wash bin and be no worse off than we are now. Same clean as yesterday and no need for a power source to either use or produce them. Now if only we could grow the trees in our own back yards or a community garden we wouldn't have to order them online(which leaves a mark).

4. It just feels good - Try them and you'll see. They make you feel closer to nature and that's saying something coming from someone who spends a lot of time indoors.

Over the river and through the woods....

May 15, 2011 - in the car

We're driving back from the grandparents' house today. The kids spent the weekend with the grandma that lives the closest (a cozy two hours away). Bryson and I took full advantage of the circumstances by doing homework and housework, having dinner with friends and sleeping in to appalling hours. To celebrate bringing our kds home with us once again, we stopped a the gas atation on the way out and Bryson bought granola bars to snack on. The kids absolutely love this little tradition and when the bars were passed out Ben said, "Thank you Dad!" then Juliet piped in "Thanks Dad!" and about five minuts after the rustling of plastic had stopped, the little munchkins were sleeping and I was kicking myself for forgetting their pillows AGAIN! Every time I take them down and pick them up from their grandma's I think about bringing some big fluffy pillows for the back seat. Let's face it. Big, fluffy, pillows make just about every situation more enjoyable. But I always forget them! Argh!! I need to staple a post-it to my forehead!

I love our little drives. Singing songs when they're awake, talking about them when they're asleep and just spending those few hours in the car once a month or so reconnecting and enjoying each other's company.

I have a dream of smaller cities and towns beiing linkd by small, high speed trains, large cities being linked by large, passenger trains and all cities larger than a mile wide haviing some

sort of metro or El Train system. Have I lost my mind? Oh the luxury of getting on a train with a book and some activities for the kids and spending quality time together getting from point A to point B. Even if the cost of traveling was equivalent to toll road costs, it would still be

minuscule compared to the gas we use in our travels now. And if the trains were created in a way that made their power renewable (no gasoline) then we could actually help the environment too!! Here are just a few ways that our tains could be powered today: Magnetically, with wind, with solar power and with compressed air. I wish I could build it myself. I would have it done ASAP! Of course, having high speed trains and relaxing commutes between grandparents' houses, won't help me remember to bring pillows!

That Tick Sucked Ass

I went to the lake

and what did I see

bunches of bugs

trying to eat me.

Sometime probably

while pissing in the grass

A tick found me,

stuck his head in my ass.

Right on the cheek!

Next to a mole.

What?! You didn’t think

he went for the ----?!

I’m just a girl,

And it’s just a tick,

This isn’t a porn

and he’s not a ----!

So, clean your mind

with Summer’s Eve!

You people make me

want to heave.