Wha...why...Why?!

My daughter told me this story today about how she was getting pushed by some third graders on the playground. I immediately stopped what I was doing and broke in. "You mean they were pushing you on the tire swing?" I asked. "Yeah," she said, angrily. "Were they being mean?" I asked again. "No," she said, "They were just pushing us," but as I felt my worry subside I noticed that Juliet was still appalled. "What's wrong with them pushing you on the tire swing?" I coaxed. She sighed, "because the one said to the other, 'You wanna push these little kids?' and... wha.... why.... Why would they call me little?!"

Just Sayin'

1st Person

So not only do I maintain this daily blog but I also keep a journal for my Master's class. I write two notebook pages by hand every week at the very minimum and I am only telling you that to tell you this. I HEAR VOICES!! I read 1st person narratives and then write non-stop and now everything I do gets narrated to me by my own voice inside my head. Is this what it's like to be a writer? Do professional writers brush their teeth at night and think, "As I was brushing my teeth, I saw movement out of the corner of my eye and turned to see a spider dangling from the ceiling on a single thread of silk," and then go back to mindlessly brushing their teeth??

By the way, I hate the sound of bugs squishing. In fact, I only capture bugs and release them outdoors because I can't stand the sound of killing them. I have purely selfish motives and I do feel better about myself for doing so even though I know I don't deserve to.

What was I talking about? Oh yes. My head voice. Sometimes it's there, sometimes it's not, but I really wish I had some writer friends so that I could ask them, "Does your narrator speak to you while you change your underwear? Just curious."

"Age/Weight Accepted"

I am currently at the gym. The treadmill accepted me once again and I was feeling the warmth (it was actually burning today and that's not even code for anything).

I like to monitor my heart. The only goal I really have for my jogging focuses on heart rate, so of course I monitor it daily. These neat-o-torpedo treadmills like me to enter my age and weight, to give me advice about my heart rate, like what my target rate is and whether or not I'm peaking. Sounds dirty, I know, but I comply.

When you prepare to enter your numbers the weight starts at 150, the age starts at 35 and you have to use the up or down arrows to choose your weight and age. (I think the age should start at 45 because that is probably a more accurate middle age of the members at this gym, but what do I know) These are not septuagenarian treadmills.

So, it is my ultimate goal to do something fantastically boring with my heart that you don't want to read about today, BUT my little baby goal in the back of my head is to, FOR ONE YEAR, enter my weight and age without pressing the up or down buttons. It would just be fun if, for the entire year that I am 35, I was 150 pounds. It could happen.

HOWEVER, if that does happen, the entire year will fly by and the year after it I will spend sad because no matter what I do I will always have to use the up arrows to enter my age. But let's face it, after loosing 25 pounds between now and then, I may be using the up arrow, but I'll be feeling the down arrow, if you know what I mean.

No Making Out on My Car

I moved from behind a trailer the other day that said, "We Cover Our Haul For YOUR Safety," because they were going far enough under the speed limit to make my ass twitch, but not before something flew from their "haul" and hit my car. Luckily for them, I was too busy driving to notice that whatever it was, had hit my windshield. Low and behold when I got home, there was a chip in the glass.

About a day later, I noticed someone had rubbed the left side of my rear bumper. This is not just a door ding or a bump. In order to make the marks and scratches left behind, my car had to have physically moved. The damage is completely conspicuous. But alas, no note. What kind of world do we live in where some dickhead rubs my rear and doesn't, so much as, leave me a number?

The scratches are no biggy. I've been guilty of trying to run over trash cans and forgetting to set the emergency break in the past, so we already realize that this car is ours forever, or until the junk yard takes it away. We don't see any reason to pay the insurance company any more than we already do every month. So, pretty much, it's not getting fixed!

The extremely entertaining bummer of it is that the chip on my windshield was pretty substantial. It has since grown into a crack. The crack is traveling. At first it went up. Then it went down. Then it slid straight across to the passenger side where it has decided to turn north once more. I can't keep track of the crack. It is bigger every time I get in my car. In short, my crack is out of control!

I love my car. I do. It is so very useful and it's good on gas. Further more I spend too much on it in payments, insurance, fuel and oil changes to ditch it and ride the bus. I don't mind the scratches, but I am going to have to pay for a windshield. It seems like it's always something. I can't come out ahead. My rear's been rubbed, my crack is traveling and I can't make out with out spending some money.

Ah me. Such is life.

Morning Buzz

Is there anything better than cooking up some grilled cheese sandwiches at 6:30 in the morning, World? I don't think so. Not when the coffee is how I like my men; strong, sweet and fresh!

Once again the kids proved to me that eggs, toast and OJ, jam-pack some energy in young little bodies. We can no longer consider it a fluke or coincidence. They bounce off the walls when they get some high quality protein and grain! That's how I see it. They're like my little ponies.

Hubby left a note for the kids this morning. It said, "Benny & Jet, I hope you have a great day! :) Love, Dad" and for the first time ever, Ben read it!! He read it all by himself with only one minor grunt from me when he accidentally said "good" instead of "great" but quickly corrected himself. Does it show that I am proud?? Well, I AM!! I look so forward to the days when I can sit in a condo at the lake with my family, warming up from our winter stroll, and all of us reading our individual books. Although, at the point when this actually happens, I will probably be much to teary eyed to read. It will be a beautiful thing out shined only by the philosophical conversations that we will hopefully be having over dinner that evening. I know, I know, they are only 5 and 6, but a mother can dream can't she?!

*******************Favorite Quotes of the Month**********************

At the Sonic Drive-In:

Voice: "Welcome to Sonic, can I take your order?"

Dad: "Have we made it in time for happy hour?"

< pause >

< very unusually long pause >

Ben: "Apparently not."

In the car on the way home from tap and ballet:

Benjamin making some obvious argument about something I can't remember,

Juliet: "Yes, of course, but..< continuing argument >.." (She's five! It just sounded funny!)

Oh My BLOG!

I sure did miss this little thing. I can't believe my mom only wrote three times. I feel like I've been gone for a week! Blehk. I'm not dong that again for awhile. I hope it was a nice change of pace for everyone to read something different on my blog. Or at least, my mothers rantings offered an answer to the riddle of my insanity! (Just kidding MOM!)

On friday my mom helped me write some clues for a treasure hunt and when the kids got home from school, I told them I had misplaced the Friday night movies. The only thing we had to find them with were the clues I left myself. I tried to write them using only their sight words and I was SO impressed with how fast they read those things! I'm convinced I could have hidden dirty socks and the kids would have been equally as excited to follow the clues and find them. The adults had fun too.

My mother cheated. She bought us food. We were far from starving but my mother is a random spoiler. Her genes, I'm convinced, are the source of my spoiling practices. Suffice to say, there is ice cream in the freezer, yogurt and apple cider in the fridge and fancy, schmancy, cinnamon-raisin bread in the pantry. We were also taken out for breakfast this morning and it was DELICIOUS, so although it is dinner time now, I'm really not hungry. I'm thinking fruit and tea would be lovely.

I'm looking forward to this week. I have about 34 pages of Virginia Woolf to read which is always a joy and on Wednesday I get to dive into the depths of my shallow mind and explore the thoughts surrounding the paper due in mid-October.

Believe it or not, the prospect of pondering, reading, writing, exploring, thinking, and endless hypothesizing, is as good to me as chocolate is to most, or sex depending on the depth of penetrating thought, which leads me to believe that the smarter I become, the more satisfying thinking will be. Tsk tsk. If only stupid people knew.

I'm going to get my highlighter, "A Room of One's Own" and give "self-gratification" a new meaning. Care to join me?

Enough is Enough! That's the name of a rally scheduled for October 29 in Washington D.C. It's being called the People's Filibuster. As our government threatens another shut-down over stalemated economic conflict, WE THE PEOPLE are wondering what we are paying these people to do. And these same people have a health plan and retirement plan that rivals anything WE THE PEOPLE are entitled to. Is our government using a "divide and conquer" mentality against us? Blue vs. Red, Left vs. Right, Tea Party vs. Coffee Party, while they continue to rake in their millions and laugh at us peons. How can millionaires represent WE THE PEOPLE? And that's what too many congressmen are, so, of course, they help corporations and screw WE THE PEOPLE. Oh, shit, I forgot, the Supreme Court decided that corporations are indeed people. Boy, are WE THE ACTUAL PEOPLE screwed big time.

ass backwards in Kansas

I always feel like I have entered an alternate universe when I visit Kansas. For example, this morning I visited the local grocers, had about twenty-five items in my cart, noticed the self-scan checkout had nobody in it, and proceeded to start scanning my own items. A teller quickly ran over to intercept my attempt at self-service and started taking charge. Do I look old and feeble? Do I look sinister? I'm not sure why I received unwanted help, but I was a bit taken aback by an overbearing cashier in a self-service aisle. Much to my surprise, she was actually quite pleasant, and she did allow me to bag my own groceries and push my own cart to my car.

Starving in America

So, I visit my daughter and family expecting to be wined and dined, only to find the cupboards bare and this hard-working, middle-class family falling into the abyss of high gas prices, exorbitant food prices, private school prices (to avoid Creationism taught in Kansas public schools) and all their hopes for the American Dream down the toilet. Who can raise a family on one income these days? And the Retardicans, I mean Republicans in this country don't want to raise taxes on those making one million dollars a year? They were paying a higher rate of taxes when Ronald Reagan was in office. The tax rate for the rich is the lowest it has ever been and our country is going broke. Coincidence? I DON'T THINK SO! So corporations are on welfare from our tax dollars so they can pay their CEOs million dollar bonuses while these same corporations build factories in China and elsewhere so they don't have to pay even a minimum wage. The Republicans are correct about only one thing. This is class warfare and unless this country wants a revolution like the ones in Egypt and Libya, and revolts like the one in England this summer, somebody better start caring about the middle class. If anyone is listening out there, we could use some humanitarian air-drops right here in Kansas, for I never even had lunch today.

Day 6: Groovy

Today, I didn't have anywhere to be and that was glorious. I did however get suffocated by domestic duties. They just sort of snuck up on me. Sneaky little bastards.

There I was just minding my own business, changing the sheets on the bed my mother was to sleep on during her visit and clearing an area for her to put her bags when a dust bunny flew from behind something. "Big whoop!" I thought. What is one little dust bunny gonna do to me? But then there was another and another and I had nothing to do but grab the broom and fight back. I went in swinging, wielded the dustpan, cranked up some techno and inhaled dog hair. When one little bunny tried to escape I slid on socked feet to cut it off at the pass and snuck up on some dirty laundry doing the geisha shuffle. The whole fiasco ended with the vacuum falling over in exhaustion. I stood panting over that pathetic dirt devil. "Suck it!" I screamed and stuck it in the corner with Baby.

I have survived domesticity with as much dignity as I could muster. When my mother arrived, I was tired, stinky and dirty. My day had slipped away and I never even ate lunch!

Now, I am tired. I'm letting my mother take over the blogs for next few days. < sinister laugh advancing from the shadows >

Good Night Cruel World. Try not to make a mess while I'm gone. And if you do, just know that when I get back, I will make you clean it up!

Day 5: I HATE IT!

I don't like this experiment. I'm stressed the hell out and it's not like a surface stress that you can have a glass of wine and forget about. It's lack of sleep and biting nails kind of stress.

I forgot to put q-tips on the list last week, along with juice boxes and coffee creamer. The Juice boxes aren't a big deal because the kids' lunch boxes came with attached water bottles. A week of water with lunch won't hurt them. But q-tips are a daily reminder that I suck and my creamer is going to run out before my mother comes in for a visit and who in their right mind has house guests and no coffee creamer?!

Every time I eat something out of the pantry or fridge, I see dollar amounts and wonder if I'll have enough money to replace it next week. I've been pretending to be broke for 5 days and I'm already craving the McDonald's Dollar Menu. What kind of sick joke is this?

I also desperately want to eat out. I keep coming up with excuses for why my husband and I should have lunch together or go out for dinner. This I really don't understand because for once in my life I have all my meals mapped out. I know exactly what I'm making every night of the week. The food is bought and planned and I can even thaw the meat the day before, like a good little Stepford wife and OH MY GOD, I think it's slowly KILLING ME!

There's something beautifully free about making mistakes with no real consequences. I think I always knew deep down inside that this country is not a free one. Now, I think that reality is being supported by the class system. The only way you can enjoy freedom is if you are able to pay for it.

Things a Working Class Family of Four Can't afford:

A college Education

Putting Money in Savings

Eating Out

Private Education

To Make Mistakes

Day 4: Broke but Working

I didn't forget about you, my one and only favorite little blog spot! I have simply been working ALL DAY!

Add this to the skill of women. Today I worked 8 hours in a 6 hour day. I did. And I did two loads of laundry. How, you ask? Easy. I worked at every single spare moment I could bribe out of my children and ate my cereal and salad while putting clothes away... that's right, I'm freakin' TALENTED! So, in addition to working 8 hours, doing laundry and sustaining life with adequate meals, I also managed to make dinner, take Juliet to Tap and Ballet, supervise reading practice, read a book, sing songs and tuck the kids in.

This post is just my equivalent to a victory lap or the pounding of my chest. I ARE WOMAN!

Now, I suppose I should get my rest so I can be WOMAN again in the morning. After a pot of coffee, maybe.

grunt grunt. me tired. grunt. want bed.

Day 3: Is this experiment over yet?

The family went shopping yesterday. We spent $129 on food. And I got a big bowl of mixed fruit. I probably could have spent the same amount on the fruit and got twice as much if I was willing to chop it myself, but who has time for all that chopping? I will probably have to make time next week. We barely got by with the $130 budget this week. I already had a lot of items left from last week, so the shopping was relatively light. And luckily the kids will eat a school lunch once this week. One thing is for certain. Lunches for the kids were a lot cheaper when they were in public school and if we only had $200 a week of disposable income, the kids wouldn't be getting a private education. No way in hell. All the discounts in the world wouldn't help our poor kiddos get the education all children deserve. In fact, they would be going to public school and we would let the school feed them in order to save money. So, they would be subject to the ridiculous Kansas Health Department, which for some unknown and highly ignorant reason, doesn't offer anything but cow's milk with lunch. I guess what I'm saying is that their diet would suffer.

Are there still people in our world who believe that cow milk is good for you? Look I get that's it's delicious, but that in itself should make us question it's nutritional value. Oh wait, people already have questioned it's nutritional value and what did they find? That's right. Not good for humans. So all those commercials telling us to drink more milk?? Lies. It's a million dollar industry, why would they tell you any different?

Hmmm.

Things a Working Class Family of Four Can't afford:

A college Education

Putting Money in Savings

Eating Out

Private Education

Day 2: Saturday Realities

Last night was interesting. Next week is going to take some major planning. This week, I barely had time, or at least I felt like time dripped through the cracks while I was planned cheap meals and gas tank fill-ups. What didn't get thought of enough was our Friday night ritual. We, as a family ALWAYS rent at least one kid movie (sometimes two), order pizzas, breadsticks and wings and sometimes grab a 2 liter of soda. It's a 40 to 50 dollar evening, especially since I am a firm believer in large tips. It's interesting to me how someone who literally can't afford a tip may be conceived as stingy by a server. We didn't bother with it. I will toot my own horn here and say that I did some quick thinking and told the kids that I needed a break from pizza.

I gathered up quarters from the ashtray in my car and the change jar in our bedroom and we went to the dollar store for some orange soda and a bag of bugles. Then we made sandwiches with this week's left over bread and lunch meat and I called it Picnic Friday. Oh and we found out that our local video store has free kids movies to rent and an entire section of $1 family fun rentals. We spent 4 quarters, 1 nickel and 2 pennies on a movie for last night. It wasn't as free a feeling as ordering copious amounts of cheese and canadian bacon, or as luxurious as a friendly doorbell and dinner delivered, but I think we had an okay time. The sandwiches were decent.

I am now making my shopping list. I really should have shopped yesterday, but I was too busy with other stuff. I have made a list of 6 meals costing anywhere from 5-7 dollars a piece. I also need breakfast and lunch items for the kids and dog food for the hairy monsters in our lives. I would also like to by some fresh veggies and fruit for my snacks this week, but let's face it. When the costs start to accumulate, the fresh produce is going to need to be expendable.

Wish me luck world!

Things a Working Class Family of Four Can't afford:

A College Education

Putting Money in Savings

Eating Out

Day 1: Broke aint no joke!

I think my "Coexist" bumper sticker is causing road rage. At first I said to myself, "Nah! That's impossible!" But every stinkin' day, at least one car will decide to go around me just to then brake and make a turn. I can't for the life of me understand why they are having trouble driving behind me. Yesterday afternoon some huge red SUV, like a Yukon or something went FLYING around my car and cut in front of me narrowly missing my front bumper. They were obviously in a hurry and luckily they caught up to the police cruiser two cars up, or at least I'm assuming that's where they wanted to be since that is precisely when they slowed down and went the speed limit with the rest of us. Maybe they had something important to tell that police person. Who knows?

Either way, I don't really want to live in a world where a message about living together peacefully believing in different gods or not believing in any gods, could possibly be considered a negative message. I draw the line at that depth of ignorance for my tolerance quota for the week, thank you very much.

As you know, today is the first day that I have limited my weekly spending to $200. (Average for working class family of four, who may or may not qualify for government assistance.)

Now, I have already run into a minor problem. You see, I pay a small amount to my two savings accounts automatically every week. So, when I limited my income to $200 this week, I didn't want to be tempted to spend more, so I dumbed the rest onto a credit card payment. Now, having only $200, my savings just absorbed $70. I'm already down to $130 and it's only the first day.

The good news is that the only other areas where I NEED to spend money are on gasoline and food. I'm not sure that I can get a weeks worth of groceries for less than $130, but my gas tank is 3/4 full. So, I'm going to try to limit my driving this weekend and hope that the gas we have now takes us through to next friday.

Next week, I'm going to need to fill my tank ($45) and half my husbands tank ($20) which means that if I still want to buy food, I'm going to need to cancel the payments to my savings accounts. How sad is it that a working class family can't afford to keep a savings account? How do they pay for vacation?

Things the American Working Class Family of Four Can't afford:

College Education

Putting money into Savings

This Black Smoke is a Risin'!

This cathartic outlet is never needed more than on Thursdays. Didn't I say a few weeks ago that Thursday should be my days off??!! My stress level is sky rocketing. To make matters worse, today was picture day. I HATE picture day. Knowing that these pictures are going to be viewed by everyone in the family for a lifetime and even be viewed by the subject in the photo as said subject grows up, is just too much pressure for this non-conformist. I really just want the kids to be happy with what they wear, how they look and how they feel. But their hair! And the weather... I'm simply not a miracle worker. Chances are, we will send them underdressed into cold weather or overdressed into warm, the wind will blow the braids out or the rain will flatten the spike. I GIVE UP! Next year, I'm laying out cute clothes as a suggestion and the rest is fate!

I yelled at Ben this morning. He wanted his hair to look "normal." His hair never looks normal. I told him, in order for it to look "normal" he would have to let me cut it every so often, but that made him sulk. So I combed it for him, but then he wanted a mohawk, so I did a mohawk and I gotta say, it looked pretty good, but then he wanted it normal again... I gave up, yelled and stormed from the bathroom. The good news is that he did his own hair and did a better job than I could have dreamed of doing. But by that time our mutual prides were scarred. I tried to apologize on the way to school but he wasn't having it.

I spent a good portion of brain power last night trying to come up with easy, cheap and well rounded meals to make with my newly tightened budget beginning tomorrow. I'm thinking about listing the things we need and then listing what they cost and what I was, or was not, able to purchase. I guess, what I'm saying is I want this to be authentic.

Yesterday I established that there is no way our family of four could eat and have two parents in school. So, my limited spending will actually reflect more of the working class to the low end of the lower middle class. It would also be impossible for me to have all the things that I have, like a car, nice clothes and a cell phone, but we'll pretend that I just lost a job and now have to somehow feed my kids, gas tank and savings account on $22,350/year. (US department of Health and Human Services established poverty threshold). My Budget is $200 a week (50% of that income before taxes, completely inaccurate and I must continue to remind my readers that a family of four would see much less after paying actual bills)

The benefit to my doing this is that we have more than $200 to spend on any given week and in order to not feel tempted to spend any of it, I am taking the balance and throwing at some debt. So, I will do this experiment and pay off debt, leading me to yet ANOTHER THING that the working class in our country cannot achieve, which is debt pay off. I think I will continue to keep a list.

Everyday I will list new things that I am finding impossible for the working class to achieve, BUT not without discussing it first. I will always provide evidence.

Now for your assignment!

I've decided to do this for a month. I anticipate it getting a little hairy and I plan to work pretty damn hard to achieve my goal of authenticity. I promise to be honest about all of my findings, but I need your help.

I have exactly 7 subscribers. If you believe in what I'm doing, share my blog with others who might pass it on. BUT ESPECIALLY share this blog with someone who thinks the poor are a bunch of freeloaders! The working class American doesn't have time to sit on her/his ass and read a blog post. I'm writing this for those who do.

Things the American Working Class Family of Four Can't afford:

College Education

Feeling Squirrelly

I have this idea right? I was in the peculiar position, this week, to be in a sort of dry spell, fund wise. We have a lot of money promising to come our way, both with my part time work and with the GIBill. And let me tell ya'. When it rains it pours and we drink it up. Unfortunately, when it doesn't rain? We're talking desert conditions.

We are not poor and we don't live in poverty. In fact, the only reason it got so bad this week is because I am stubborn. I suppose, if you don't know this about me, you should. I have two, count them, one, two savings accounts. The only reason our dry spell was as bad as it was, is because I refused to touch the savings. I'm sorry, but that is why it's called SAVE-ings. However, time was my enemy this week. Time moved forward and payments did not.

It fascinates me how different my life seemed in that short time. So, I'm going to do it again. I want to simulate living in poverty for a whopping 7 days. It's enough, let me tell you! Now, obviously, I can't move out of my house or give up the many things that I already have, like shoes, clothes and a car. Also I will cease and desist, if this begins to effect my kids, but in as little as seven days, I don't think it will.

According the the Department of Health and Human Services, the poverty level in America for a family of four is $22,350/yearly income. http://aspe.hhs.gov/poverty/11fedreg.shtml As if that's even livable! The average income of welfare recipients is actually around $12,ooo/year.

I have figured out that we pay approximately 50% of our income to bills, mortgage, car loan, etc. That is not counting things like groceries, gasoline, spending money, savings, etc. So, if we can assume that welfare recipients also somehow live on 50% of their income,(which is actually impossible and they probably use closer to 75 or 80% of their income just to pay bills and keep the roof over their heads) I can figure that they probably get less than $214 a week to shop with. 214 is 50% of their income. Let's face it, a family of four has more bills than can be covered with only 50% of 22,000 a year, but because I don't even know how I would feed my family for the week on less, I'm going to set my amount this week to $200.

Here are the parameters:

My experiment will start this Friday and end the following Friday.

I will blog all seven days.

I will allow my bills to get paid as usual, but the amount I save, spend, buy groceries with and use to put gas in my car will be limited to $200 for the week. I'm actually willing to do this for a month, but I think I'll see how this week goes first.

I have to try to maintain my normal lifestyle of going to school and work, cooking a decent meal every night and saving money, which I have no doubt will be challenging.

**PLEASE REMEMBER** that $200 is much more than the average family of four, on welfare, would have on a given week. It would be more accurately about $100/week which would actually be impossible for me because both my husband and I are in school and need gas for our vehicles. A limit of $100 for the week would force us to decide between gas and food. Can you imagine world?? Well, can you? Right off the bat we see that living on welfare makes it impossible to go to school and feed your family.

Class Peace.

I'm sick of this war on the classes. What does poverty look like? Well, I know what it doesn't look like. It doesn't look like the glow of a computer screen, in the morning, over coffee. It doesn't look like family photos on the wall. Poverty doesn't look like an owned fridge stocked full of wholesome nutritious food. Poverty isn't a quick trip to the drug store for cough syrup because you had an extra ten in your pocket and if you didn't you could just use the debit card. Poverty does not taste like steak and steamed vegetables, it tastes like 75% lean ground beef and generic hamburger helper. Poverty doesn't feel like a warm car on a cold day or a trip to Starbuck's on your way to the office. It doesn't feel like the cushion of a savings account. It doesn't look very proud or well dressed. It isn't even as fun as prioritizing things you WANT because of so many things you NEED. Poverty doesn't come with pets or little league teams that cost $20 a kid. It isn't powerful. Not even a little. It isn't lazy, but oh, wouldn't it like to be. It isn't drugs and free loading, and most of all it isn't FAIR to be lumped in with people who aren't even trying, not that you blame them.

You want to know what it feels like? It feels like awkwardly fitting clothes. Shame at seeing your children wear the same three outfits over and over again and hoping that you will have the time to wash them this week. It feels like anxiety that checks will get to electric companies before you get paid that week. It feels like fear of illness or injury, because you can't afford any hospital bills.

The poverty stricken can't afford to make the same mistakes you or I can because it they accidentally buy the wrong type of milk, or lunchmeat, they have to live with a diminished quality of life because they can't afford to simply buy another carton or package. Poverty should at least look like little white or pink pills given to them for free to try and avoid further burden of pregnancy, but even that is being threatened.

I understand that there are people who take advantage, but they exist in all social classes. Look at the millionaires who dumped money in overseas accounts so the US government couldn't tax it. That wasn't taking advantage of a situation? I bet their kids had nice shoes though, huh? What about this schmuck Charlie Sheen? What a role model. He's been on and off of drugs his whole life, and his life hasn't even sucked enough to warrant an escape from reality. He's just spoiled. If you don't like seeing people take advantage of the system stop celebrating them by putting them on television like the OCTOMOM!! You watched it didn't you? Sick o's! So, it's okay to be a piece of shit, as long as your entertaining the general public. But as soon as you try to change the world or have a voice, suddenly you're a heroin addict on government assistance.

I lived in poverty. And didn't pull myself up by my goddamn boot straps, either. It wasn't a matter of discipline. I had plenty of discipline. What I needed was time. I needed time to build my credit, time to pay off debt, time to figure out where I was going and what I wanted to do. These "poor people" that the rich like to talk about as though they are scum, are the ones taking your trash from your curb in the morning. They're working their asses off, cleaning your office at night. They are trying to get ahead and all they need is TIME. But in that time, they may need to feed some babies, or clothe some children. People with money like to act like everyone is entitled to a great education and a decent paying job, and I say, to those people:

Try to find a place to live, a car to drive and fridge to stock for under $1,100 a month, because that's all you get paid if you work for minimum wage. Oh, and don't have any kids! Or get sick, or take vacation, because minimum wage is NOT salary. If you don't show up, you don't get paid! And F@&% You if you ask for help.

My tiny little house: $735/ month

My tiny little car: $312/ month

Food for four: $560/month

Not to mention electricity, water, gas(heat), gasoline, oil changes, doctor's visits... Vacation? eating out? the luxury of shopping in the organic section?? The list goes on. Who am I to judge how someone is making it work on less than what we make? Who are you?

apparently

I didn't have anything nice to say...

Hold the Viagra

Life sucks right now. I realize that those of you who are parents or siblings or are other wise close to me, may be predisposed to feel sorry for me, but don't. I'm not looking for pity, I just really need to rant. Unless of course you know a millionaire that would be willing to pay off our house, in which case we owe $75,000, we accept and thank you.

It's this damn government! How long does it take Veteran Affairs to cut a damn check for the GI Bill? If I recall, we were never late paying into the damn thing. Do they not understand that college has started? College expenses begin to accumulate even before the first day and we are 3 weeks in. LET'S GO! Damn it! I hate being broke.

It doesn't help that I have prioritized my life to exclude gym visits. I know that the reason I don't want to get up in the morning is more depression than sleep deprivation. I need that natural drug. It's the only drug I've ever needed. I don't even take vitamins on a daily basis. I really need to go to the gym from now on! I made it today, and I am feeling a little better... just need the VA to get off the toilet!

The good news is that today, I am reading. Since I don't have any money to spend anyway, I might as well read, do chores and, I think, start production on, the video I want to make for you my readers. Don't get too excited. It's nothing dirty. Just a quick how to on making and crocheting with Plarn(plastic yarn). It's a green project I saw in my "Crocheting for Dummies" book, which is a reference for the rest of us(second edition page 357). You're gonna love it! How to turn 50-60 used, plastic, shopping bags into one amazingly sturdy and reusable shopping bag. I can't, of course take credit for the pattern or idea, but I can offer a visual aid as to how it's done. Let the filming begin! (This is going to take a few weeks if not a couple of months, so although I anticipate great excitement, hold off popping the viagra.)

Veggie Wrap

My first attempt at a veggie wrap was delicious but only scored a 2 on construction. I was extremely discouraged when two ranchy chunks of cucumber and onion plopped onto the floor. (I was eating standing up.)

Just an FYI. Cucumbers are delicious if you shave off the skin a bit, slice them any way you want and soak them in a little sugar and vinegar solution. I used one tablespoon of sugar and one tablespoon of vinegar. Then I just loaded in 2 cucumbers and added enough water to cover them. They're even better after they soak over night. I'm making myself hungry.

I know I'm writing late but to be fair, I finished my required reading for class today. I'm trying to read 25 pages a day to keep up with my required reading. I got a little behind over the last few days. I need to read 75 pages tomorrow. Uh... and that's only if I get through four more tonight. So...

I gotta go.

I Want What The Ants Are Having.

Well, I made some very tasty Banana Bran muffins yesterday. I also sent two muffins, to school with each kid, buttered up and ready for lunch. Yum! I will say that, in an attempt to improve upon the recipe, I added some cloves and cinnamon to the mix, then sprinkled brown sugar on top. However, the cloves and cinnamon were a BAD IDEA. Those flavors take away from the oaty banana bran flavor (I think I used oat bran rather than just regular wheat bran), but the brown sugar on the top was definitely a WINNER! The tops of the muffins are moist, gooey and sweet. Who doesn't love that in a muffin top?

I'm the luckiest person in the world on Wednesdays. I drop the kids off at school, go to the gym, take a shower and sit in Barnes and Noble for three hours, reading, writing, and musing until one of my best friends walks in for lunch, and my day only improves.

What do you do with an apple core or banana peel when driving in a car? Do you toss it out the window or let it smell up your trash receptacle? It can't be considered littering, it's biodegradable. I have seen people turn onto our block, reach their hand out the driver's side window and drop an entire bag of fast food refuse. Entire fountain drinks explode onto pavements while cars speed along and once at a stoplight I actually witnessed a grown man crumpling a cigarette package in his left hand, holding his arm out straight and ceremoniously opening his fist, letting the crumple plastic and cardboard fall the the ground and sit there with no hope of a second thought from it's previous owner. Yet I can not bring myself to toss out an apple core as I pass a bush for fear that someone might simply perceive me to be littering. I refuse to be linked to those juvenile-planet-trashers even out of ignorance. So, to those ants and plants that would have gotten the banana peel, had I been braver, I'm sorry. But to those ants and bushes that secretly received the apple core, you are welcome! It was good wasn't it.

Ugh... weighed down by responsibility today. Every hour of today accounted for. Using five minute break from work to write blog. Can't stay long. Will return during next five minute break.... poo. Fingers don't want to work.

Haven't been jogging. It's killing me.. the lack that is. Wouldn't you know I've seen about five joggers in the past two days and they are making my ass feel huge.

Rotten bananas are smelling up my kitchen. I will make some Banana Bran muffins that, believe it or not, my children DEVOUR. I think I'll attach the recipe and call it a day. I need to do laundry and shower and then I'm off to class.

One of these days, world. One of these days.

Banana Bran Muffins

(I use applesauce instead of butter, it works!)

Ingredients

1. 1/2 cup butter, softened
2. 1/2 cup brown sugar
3. 3 bananas, mashed
4. 1/4 cup milk
5. 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
6. 2 eggs
7. 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
8. 1/2 cup wheat bran
9. 1 teaspoon baking powder
10. 1 teaspoon baking soda
11. 1/4 teaspoon salt
12. 1/2 cup chopped walnuts

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). Grease a muffin pan or line with paper muffin liners.
2. In a large mixing bowl, cream butter and brown sugar together until fluffy. Add bananas, milk, vanilla and eggs; mix well. Stir in flour, bran, baking powder, soda and salt; blend just until moistened. Stir in walnuts. Pour batter into prepared muffin cups.
3. Bake at 375 degrees F (190 degrees C) for 20 to 25 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the center of a muffin comes out clean. Cool in the cups for 5 minutes, then remove muffins and place on a wire rack to cool completely.

Guilty Pleasures

Woo! I am late at blogging today! But only because I was so productive this morning. I went to the gym, took a shower, went food shopping and put way the groceries before noon. Then I picked up a Wendy's cheeseburger which I must confess is my guiltiest pleasure. As far as burgers go, I'm a sucker for the squares. Now, my tummy doesn't like beef but, this is one time when I consider the taste worth the tummy ache.

Now, of course, I still need to empty my trunk at the GoodWill and fill up on gas, but feel more like taking a nap. Such is life in the greasy world of delicious burgers and fries.

I have to do those last few things, this afternoon, because the kids will be spending the weekend with their grandma. It's a two hour drive there(hence the gas). Where is my high speed railway??!!

We have a few strange behaviors that we exhibit when the kids are away for a night. Bryson likes to crank up the music to a deafening volume and late at night when the kids would be sleeping in their beds and we are quiet out of habit, we all the sudden yell something to each other from across the house, clap loudly or turn the volume up on our rented movie(among other noisy things that we do). It's childish I know, but we were married for five years before kids, it's fun to relive it every-so-often.

Now don't get me wrong. We miss our kiddos dearly. And when we finally drive out to pick them up, I feel a little guilty for dropping them off in the first place or for doing so many selfish things in their absence, like going out to eat, taking a nap or reading a book for two hours straight without a thought as to how they are doing. But they love it at Grandma's and Grandpa's and wouldn't it be more selfish for us to keep them here? Besides the stories they tell us about their weekend are so much more fulfilling than cheeseburgers and don't deliver belly aches.

Get up! Stand up!

I'm standing as I type this. My butt hurts. I've been sitting to read for class, sitting in class, sitting to work at my computer, sitting to blog.... sitting, sitting, sitting. It's making my ass numb. My kitchen counters are at a good height for me to stand and type. So, that is what I am doing. Blogging from my kitchen. Feminists everywhere are pulling out their hair.

The kids seem to really enjoy their reading practice. They have started viewing it as a game, which I am extremely happy about. Last night's rewards were marshmallows. It's amazing the torture children will endure for those puffy little sweets. I challenged them more than usual for one extra marshmallow and they willingly participated. They are progressing at a impressive rate.

The kids seem extremely comforted by our evening routine these days. I like that they go to sleep so willingly and with smiles on their faces. I hope this contentment continues through out the school year. May I share?

Everyday, I pick them up at 3:15 and we are home by 3:30. We spend 30-45 minutes going through their backpacks and discussing homework or the days events. I prepare them for the next day in any way that I need to; signing forms, sending a snack, responding to a note from the teacher... you get the idea. Ben sometimes throws opposition to the idea of doing homework(he reminds me of someone....), but we are slowly conditioning that away by showing him that getting it done early is so much better than getting it done late or not at all.

I ask them to pick an activity to do while I start dinner. These include, but are not limited to, playing in the hose, painting, coloring, helping me with dinner or, like last night, doing some Math problems to earn a half an hour of iPod games.

We eat dinner when Daddy gets home and then march off to dance class, tennis lessons or just hang out with each other until 7. At 7 we put on pj's and rendezvous on the couch for reading practice. After demonstrating their skills I read a story while they eat their rewards. Then we brush teeth and I visit their separate rooms to tuck them in, sing them a couple songs and kiss them good night. They are typically asleep by 8:30 and up before I have to wake them in the morning. It is extremely harmonious. My only hope is that I can keep it up. At this point, with work and school, I would be the one to slip... So, I'm going to tread carefully.

I know that some will hate me for pointing it out, but nowhere in their schedule do my children watch television. The don't even ask. And let's be honest. Aside from television contributing to autism, obesity and ADHD, it is a waste of time. The more time children sit in front of the tube, the less time they are exercising their brains. I'm not saying that what I do is perfect, by any means. My family is just one example of children enjoying the learning process and not missing the brainless activities in life. Kids can enjoy just about anything. We have a really great time together. And last night I almost cried when Ben finished his math problems in record time and they were correct! He was beaming! Television can't do that.

You know, some day, they might be giants. Why not treat them like it now.