Dear Society,
It took me thirteen years of marriage to realize that I'm not living up to your standards, and now that I know what your standards are, I can tell you not to hold your breath. It never dawned on me before that as a wife, certain circles -- mostly older, dried up circles, out of touch with reality -- expect me to live as some sort of house slave to my family. I'm not sorry to disappoint.
But what hit me like a ton of bricks was the expectation you, society, have for wives to kowtow to their in-laws. Really?! Why? I realized recently that when I try to call my brother, his wife ends up talking to me instead. I love her. She's awesome and has a great sense of humor. In fact, we actually lived together for a short time. I will always have something to say to her. But I found it odd that she never even offers to put my brother on. In fact, I felt handled. She was handling me. Then I realized it. She handles her in-laws! I've never felt obligated to chat with my in-laws. Up until now, I had no idea that was my job. I'm furious! I'm not furious that I could be expected to perform yet another mind-numbing task, simply because I wear the vagina in the family, I'm over that. I'm furious because if society -- old, dried-up, out-of-touch, society -- was going to judge me based on it, the least they could due is let me know.
Perhaps marriage should come with a job description. Men -- keep being men. Women -- cook, keep a clean house, do the laundry, sew, take care of the finances, handle the in-laws, always look presentable, send cards and birthday gifts, plan ahead, have babies, be nurturing, make everyone else's problems your own, smile and learn to fake happiness (because after all the other bullshit, you'll need to).
But, marriage doesn't come with a job description and even if it did, I probably would have ignored it, not gotten married, or stuck my head in a freakin' oven. The funniest part about your expectations, society, is that women for centuries have just bent over and accepted the fact that once they marry a man, they become his spokesperson and primary caregiver. And it's not like it's some prestigious job in advertising. It's the number one position taking all complaints and ridicule. There's nothing positive about it, because even when women do it well, everyone admires them for superficial reasons. "Oh, she has such a clean house," "... such a sweet disposition," "... love her garden," "Aren't those children just too cute?" "How does she stay so thin?" "... impeccable taste," "What a lovely dress."
It's not for me. If people can't like me for who I am, then people just can't like me. I will never perform tricks to win them over. This isn't the circus and I'm not some damn monkey. Furthermore, I have met, am related to, or have dumped many of the men that will someday be hitched. To think that their poor wives could be expected to suck-up in anyway to their families is ridiculous. The woman, in taking that man off of their mother's hands, has done the family a favor. In a perfect world, that family should owe her a dowry and suck-up to her! Don't worry, she'll earn it.
In the mean time, I'm going to remain in my happiness, away from your expectations, and if you find yourself old, dried-up, and out of touch with reality, just think of me as a man and save yourself some judgement. It's not that I can't fit into you, it's that you can't keep up with me.
Bring the Change,
Intelligent Woman
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