Gay Debate

Well, the votes are in. Over the past 6 or 8 years (I can't remember how long. It seems like a lifetime) we've heard both sides of the debate on same-sex marriage. It's been a nice long ride in which I believe we have adequately voiced all the points it is possible to make in either direction and now I would like to tally them up in a clean-cut, Pro/Con list and see if we can't reach a mutual verdict for all to agree upon. So, here goes.

Same-Sex Marriage

Pro:

Marriage is a human right.

Con:

Fucking faggots!

Pro:

Being a Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Transgender is not a choice.

Con:

OMG, it is like, SO GAY!

Pro:

LGBT orientation is not a disease and is not contagious.

Con:

Homo!

Pro:

More heterosexuals commit violent sex acts than homosexuals.

Con:

Uh... fucking faggots!

Pro:

An LGBT lifestyle is no different from a heterosexual lifestyle sans partner selection and therefore we can assume that a LGBT marriage would also not differ from heterosexual marriage with the exception of, possibly, a lower divorce rate. But we would have to try it and find out.

Con:

Fucking... so Gay!

Pro:

Simply outlawing same-sex marriage is not going to stop same-sex coupling and same-sex sex and if you are dumb enough to think that hot girl on girl action or manly man on man sausage rolls, effects you in a negative way than outlawing their marriage isn't going to change that effect. You may need to face the fact that you could be gay. It's okay.

Con:

Ignorant heterosexuals may need to face the fact that they could be gay. And that's not okay. So GAY!

Conclusion:

Well, I think the results are obvious. We absolutely can not allow same-sex marriage. Too many ignorant heterosexuals would have to realize that while they were fighting to deny the freedom for others to be happy, they were really just fighting their own gayness, er happiness and their own freedom to live gayly, I mean happily as fudge packers and carpet munchers. And for them to face that fear, well, that would be Armageddon! Have pity homosexuals! Some people are afraid to be as happy, er gay, as you.

Now! Let's debate this opposite-sex marriage fiasco... talk about being contagious and life ruining!  I can count on ONE hand the amount of opposite-sex married couples I know that are happy. Something should be done about this bullshit.