LEAVE IT!

  I had an interview today and sadly became the worst version of myself right in the beginning of it.  I don't know what happened.  One of my biggest pet peeves is when I meet someone for the first time and they are completely fake.  They're way too nice considering they don't know me at all, they smile at everything I say and they make idle chit chat and joking comments that aren't even funny.  Argh!  I just want to throw a punch and see who they really are.  My husband handles it extremely well.  He just turns into a sailor and starts cussing left and right.  He likes to test people's chest factor.  Are they chesty enough to puff up and ask you to stop?  Most of the time they're not and I enjoy pretending not to notice.  The problem is the eagerness to please.  If they asked him to stop, I'm willing to guess that he'd say no.  You see, that way they would lose their eagerness to please him because there would be something about him they don't like. Cha-ching!  But today I was sucked in!  And looking back, I didn't stand a chance, really.  I walked into that cute little building and expected to be asked what I was doing there or be met with just a modicum of opposition, but I was greeted with a warm and genuine smile.  Uh-oh.  I liked this receptionist.  No biggy, she's not doing the interview.  I asked for the bathroom, was directed to it rather chirpily and as I walked down the hall I passed a person who I wasn't even looking at and they said, "hi" and smiled.  Then I bumped into someone coming out of the bathroom and they smiled and giggled and excused themselves.  Everyone was being so nice! I loved it. But you see, my eagerness to please them was building.  I peed and reminded myself that the person doing the interview was very businesslike.  It would be advisable to focus on the task at hand.  I tried to run over the questions likely to be asked.  I haven't been on an interview for NINE YEARS mind you. So, I put on my game face and walked back to the desk.  I let them know who I was there to see and the boss lady, just so happened to be walking past and stopped to shake my hand, smile, introduce herself and give me three options of where to sit and wait for her return.  I felt it.  I liked her too.  Now, I wanted to seem PERFECT!!  AND I'M NOT PERFECT!!  So then I started thinking about all my faults and all the things that I should maybe cover up if the conversation turns personal.  <BIG SIGH> I like myself.  I really do.  There isn't one thing that I would change even if I could but her smile was contagious and every time she smiled I wanted to smile too even when I had no idea what I was smiling at.  I fidgeted when I talked and my vocabulary blanked out on me.  I sounded like a twenty-something cocktail waitress, "like, oh my god, right? No worries!"

  Alas, all is not lost.  I didn't act as maniacal as my neighbors dog who, I'm convinced, loves to hear the phrase "LEAVE IT."  And I'm sure the interviewer did not feel like the "it" a dog has to "leave."  I did manage to redeem myself halfway through and I learned a valuable lesson.  Next time someone acts fake, it's probably because they have some pretty crazy traits too! Or at least I can amuse myself by guessing what they are.