When I asked my son, on the way home from school yesterday, why the principal had to talk to me about this behavior, he shut me down which didn't matter because I already had the story. Apparently, my sweet, little, model of good behavior was being teased on the playground, lost his temper, slapped a friend and called the whole lot of them "bitches". My first reaction was, Well, he took care of that, but unfortunately some talking would have to be done.
He was honest with me about slapping his friend and showed some remorse, but he adamantly refused the idea that he cussed. I was stuck in the middle, so, I took all my cues from the principal and teacher who seemed to be communicating more sympathy for his reaction than disdain. I told him, I can't imagine punishing him for something that he says he didn't do since he was being honest about everything else (the stories jived), but for losing his temper and slapping a friend, he could choose his punishment. He chose one month without video games which is pretty extreme considering I was also offering 20 sentences written on the subject of not slapping and cussing.
What caused a riff in the family was the fact that every time we questioned him about it, he shut down, became irritable and even got a little attitude. When his Daddy got home and tried to talk to him he stomped off to his room and climbed into his bed, scowling. It's one thing to lose your temper, react negatively or be part of a circumstance that gets you in trouble with teachers and principles, but having an attitude with those who are trying to understand the situation? That just bugs me.
Finally, I realized what was wrong. I went to the doorway of his room and spoke so that his father and his little sister could hear me. "Those kids were picking on you," I said, "They were being mean and hurting your feelings and acting in a way that friends should not act towards one another, yet you kept on playing with them. You chose to stay and play their game. Now, you have made a bad decision and gotten in trouble. But the three people in your life that love and honor you, are trying to understand what happened and show you support and you are turning away from THEM. THAT is what needs to change. When people treat you poorly, you should walk away from them. When they love you and show their love to you, you should open up to them and show them your face, not your back."
SOMEHOW world, that boy, at seven years old, with all the stubborn traits of my husband and myself combined, turned right around, climbed down from his bunk and came out to hug us. The rest of the night we infused dinner, playtime and good night wishes with advise on how to handle those nasty situations that we have ALL been in. And amazingly enough, he was listening! He's still grounded, of course, but hopefully after this month he will have some extra tools in his back pocket for dealing with playground cruelty. The most important thing is that we're a little closer to convincing him that we're in this together!
Note: Little Man also made the decision to write a note of apology to his friend at school and was very excited to deliver it the next day.
Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children, and no theories. ~John Wilmot
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone
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