Warning: Profanity

Wog two miles? Check!

Banana and Orange Juice for breakfast? Check!

Finish Presentation for Tomorrow?

Clean house for Saturday's Birthday Party?

Finish Presentation for Tuesday?

Write 20-page English Paper?

Fuck!

... could use a little help here.

1st Grade Parent Homework

This is why I was too busy to blog tonight. I had 1st grade homework.

I was supposed to represent our family's holiday traditions on 1 - 2 scrapbook pages.

I love the idea of representing all families and cultures, but I hate scrapbooking. It's just another way for society to say, "Here women! Shut up and color!"

Anyway... for hating the task, I think I did a decent job. You decide.

This would not load upright. Sorry!

Give Thanks to Protestors and Poets

A poem by Shel Silverstein speaks to the masses at Occupy Wall Street. From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU! 

FISH?

The little fish eats the tiny fish,

The big fish eats the little fish - 

So only the biggest fish get fat. 

Do you know any folks like that?

- Shel Silverstein

And to all the Native Americans whose homeland we trampled, raped and are still killing slowly because we never knew, and still do not know, any better:

FORGOTTEN LANGUAGE

Once I spoke the language of the flowers,

Once I understood each word the caterpillar said,

Once I smiled in secret at the gossip of the starlings,

and shared a conversation with the housefly in my bed.

Once i heard and answered all the questions of the crickets,

And joined the crying of each falling dying flake of snow,

Once I spoke the language of the flowers...

How did it go?

How did it go?

- Shel Silverstein

Welcome to Kansas

Stupid dumb damn cars!!!  Filthy, fuckin' gas and oil and rubber contraptions! @$*(^#%!!
There were a dozen little details that might have let that fox/dog/small coyote cross the highway safely. None of them were in play this evening. I'm so sorry little furry animal. We really didn't mean to hurt you, but we understand that that is exactly what we are doing; even when our tires don't come in contact.

Hey drunk guy! You don't have to tailgate our car, containing two small people, just because your right foot has lousy cruise control.

Saturday Night on the Kansas turnpike was a big howdy-do and welcome back. If we ever get out of Kansas I'm gonna miss the little vomit that happens in my throat upon returning every time.

I'm serious!

I feel like I have literally dropped a few inches since getting to the lake. And not because of a lack of eating. Running on concrete is much harder than running on a treadmill! Holy Crap! It's also more relaxing though. I love watching the trees go by and breathing the moist autumn air... until that damn conversion van drives by twice and "exhausted" the shit out of me.

It's crazy to see all the bags of food and snacks we bought slowly dwindling down. We have had more fun doing absolutely whatever we want!

Here are some of my favorite quotes from the week so far.

Ben: "I'm not just Anything; I'm THE THING!" During a water fight in the pool.

Juliet: "Daddy, can I take my chocolate into my fort?" While lounging around the condo.

My all time favorite was when Ben got crabby in the pool and told us, "I'm serious!" to which the Hubby responded with a similar crab, "I've been therious thith whole thime!"

This is One of Those Crazy Things...

Did I mention that a tree fell in the woods and not only did we hear it, we saw it?

Well, a tree fell in the woods and not only did we hear it, we SAW IT!

Poor thing. The earth shook when it landed. Crazy man, crazy.

If I Was a Millionaire

If I was a millionaire I would own a lake in the middle of a bunch of rolling hills. It would be stocked with fish and have a path around it for jogging. I would set my modest cabin up on the side of one of the hills with a fantastic view of my land and have various buildings where I pay people to keep them ready for my use at any moment. In one of these fabulous buildings would be a big theater with bouncy chairs to sit in and candelabrum sconces along the walls. When I arrived to watch a movie, the staff would open the door to the banquet kitchen so that I could pop my popcorn and the movie would be ready when I was.

Oh... wait... that is exactly what my day was like today. Ok... so I have to share this resort with other people, but all those other people obviously don't know what a fantastic holiday Thanksgiving is to spend here, because we have this entire place to ourselves!!

So, the movie was AWESOME and so was the popcorn. The indoor pool was warm and ours and now we're sitting in another one of those perfect-for-parties buildings where Ben is playing the Wii on one side and Jet and the Daddy-O are curled up on a couch, watching a movie on the other side. We will soon be having hot cocoa with marshmallows and I might go through the supply of puzzles to see if any fit my fancy.

And to all those millionaires out there, your money doesn't by you anything the majority of us can't have too except for power over the government and ulcers in your belly. ENJOY!

That's the lake, frozen, last January. It was our own private lake then too. Who couldn't love this?

Pregnant Pause

Herman Cain Responds to Reporters' Questions about Libya Pause: Video

1:05

After watching the above video, I have six very helpful words of advise for Mr. Herman Cain. 

DON'T PUT DIJON MUSTARD ON HAMBURGERS!!!

Seriously I should be getting paid for this. 

Mr. Cain, if you're blown away that the media is making a huge deal over a pregnant-with-quintuplets-pause after a question about world news, then you should be very careful when selecting your condiments. Many a man hour went into writing the slander that took place against our President for using Dijon Mustard on a hamburger. Now I realize that hamburgers and Libya are "apples and oranges" to some people, but be advised, the media treats them the same! (If not worse where hamburgers are concerned. Let's face it, the average U.S. citizen cares more about hamburgers that Libya. But I personally would like it better, if our President didn't.)

Your Welcome.

How about a game of Tic-Tac-Toe?

Last night after putting my kids to bed, I was walking in and out of their rooms with clean laundry for their drawers.  They were in their separate beds, winding themselves down. Jet was singing songs to her babies and Ben was apparently in serious contemplation. When I entered his dimly lit room the second time, he sat up suddenly.

"Mom?"

"Yeah Benny."

"I think that when people don't agree about something, instead of going to war they should just play a sport or a game, like football or tic-tac-toe, or something."

I was sorting socks and underwear across the room. "You mean let the game decide who wins?"

"Yeah. Like, instead of fighting and killing each other."


I tried to quickly explain that if a nation's freedom was at stake, they might try to cheat which could then lead to fighting anyway. However, I had to admit, "I sure do like the way you think, though, buddy."

And just like that, he laid back down, covered up and the next time I came in to hang some shirts he was already snoring.

It's amazing how that little monster can make me smile.

Raining Yellow Leaves

I saw the most awesome sight this morning and wanted to share. Of course, I'm a technological loser and had no means of capturing this on a device for you, my readers. So, I'll have to describe it with good ole' fashioned words!

I was driving to school when I was stopped by the umteenth red light and sat looking at the time and drinking my coffee. To the right, beyond the car hoods, was a patch of grass among a sea of concrete. In this patch of grass was a very adult tree with leaves covering it completely in yellow and yellow-orange. It caught my eye because the leaves were falling off the tree in a continuous sky to ground motion.

It's odd how in that moment my brain couldn't comprehend the amount of leaves it must take to lose them continuously and not develop barren branches before my eyes. I expected it to stop, take a break or only lose leaves when the wind blew, but this was not how it happened. They just fell and fell and fell from a never ending supply, uncountable. I would focus on one leaf falling from the top and watch it fall down and hit a branch releasing three more leaves that would then fall and release another five each and so on.

This was nature and yet, because I had never seen anything like it before, this constant motion made me think of a screensaver. I knew that the reason they fell so constantly was because of the frost that had developed over night, the weight of the leaves, the higher leaves knocking down the lower leaves, etcetera. Yet it seemed artificially without cause, the way a computer image would.

I had a strong urge to drive over and walk beneath it or lay on the ground and let them cover me in a big yellow blanket, but I needed to get a parking spot at school and time is unfortunately of the essence in our world. What a beautiful world we live in and how sad that we don't have more time to enjoy it.

I am sitting on a sixth floor couch, dreaming of my ground level tree and it's raining yellow leaves.

Holy Hell

When did the world get so damn sensitive? We should be able to talk about our differences with out judging others or feeling like we are being judged by them.

I'm an atheist. I'm not a proud atheist because I think that pride is dangerous. It allows us to see only the good in ourselves and none in others. I am a humble atheist. Which is to say that I love being atheist. It does give me strength in the same way that I assume God, Buddha, Allah, Jesus, etc. gives others strength. It is through atheism that I understand religion. Atheism is, after all, a religion. Perhaps the only real difference is that it's much more private. It isn't really considered an organized religion because why organize? We would get together and talk about nothingness. Fun. And honestly, it would be too tempting to get together and bash other religions. Which is why we don't. But that brings me to another point. If the only reason you get together with a congregation, is to talk about all the things you are not and put down other people and other religions, then I'm not sure you are doing yourself any good. Religion should be a source of strength and positivity. Negativity and insult only weakens the spirit.

That being said. It really isn't a compliment for you the Christian or Catholic to "pray for me"  to find God or Jesus, since you probably wouldn't want me to hope and meditate on you becoming an atheist. Think about it. That's just another way for you to insert your Pride Penis where it doesn't belong. So please, put it away - you'll poke your eye out.

If you have questions about atheism you should ask. Questions are not insulting. Negative assumptions are insulting, but who would make those? Really. We're all adults. We should start acting like it.

And now you will all burn in hell for
reading this! Muwahahahahah!!! :D
(that's an atheist joke)

I'm out.

It's been so crappy a day that I don't really feel like talking about it, but talking about something else at this point would feel superficial. So....

It started out well enough. I was called to substitute for the same math teacher as before. I was actually pretty excited about it and that aspect of my day went extremely well. However, while the students worked quietly I began to read a book that I have to do a presentation on, titled Backlash. It's about feminism and our society's backlash against the movement and gender equality in general. The topic was not fun and the more I read the more angry I became. My hand was shaking at one point when I was thankfully interrupted by a student. I took many deep breaths. I would suggest this book to men. Women, this book is hard to swallow but read it anyway. It's by Susan Faludi. Here's a link. So, I take a break. I focus on subbing and not the sabotage of gender equality.

I get finished subbing in time for my English class, but before I go, I check my email. One of my emails is from a classmate who thinks that a comment I made was racially inappropriate. It wasn't. She got angry about people in class saying that black people can't write a white person's story. I got angry about it too and said that it is like saying that a man can't write a woman's story or a woman write a teenage boy's story (see J.K. Rowling). But she was getting more and more offended and nothing she or I said could convince the other students otherwise. I told her after class that I thought she turned red. I said this jokingly. Apparently assuming that she was angry was racist. Am I to think that black people don't get red with embarrassment or anger? Wouldn't thinking that make me more racist? Anyway, I know better. Does she think I've never had black friends? Do I apologize for considering her human? So, what does she do? She writes about how I probably don't understand because people who don't deal with racism everyday often don't understand it. Now that is racist. Assuming that my pale skin makes me unable to understand something. As she's judging me based on my skin color she's telling me that I don't understand racism. Classic. I suppose next someone will tell me that, being a woman, I am too stupid to understand sexism. WTF?!

Then I get home. I earn some puffy eyes with a good cry over this cruel world, shake it off and decide to make dinner. Only I don't make it very well. I forget a key ingredient and no one eats it, including myself. It was gross and I was feeling beat down. So I decide to try to do something nice for someone else. What goes around, right? I pick up the phone to call a friend. Her husband is out of town. He cooks, she doesn't. Tomorrow I am putting the crock pot on filled with too much food for my family alone. Why not call an invite her and her daughter to dine with us. But when I pick up the phone I forget that I was called to sub this morning and call back the wrong number. The good news is that I didn't say anything profane which is customary for me when I call a friend.... I was so embarrassed. ...and I did turn red.

You win world. I'm giving up for today. I'm taking tylenol PM for my headache, crawling beneath the covers and trying to forget this day ever happened. Feel free to do the same.

Super-human

I have so much crap to do tonight and this week. I'm fairly certain it's not humanly possible. But I will try. Lord knows last week I did more than I thought was humanly possible which leads me to the only reasonable conclusion: I am not human. I have suspected this for some time.

I have no idea what I'm going to write about for the blog this week. If I tell you what's on my mind everyday you'll get tired of reading about the lake (you probably already are). So, the only thing left is to talk about the boring stuff... and can't you tell?... I so skillfully leave those things out of my daily posts... <yawn>.

Hey! WAKE UP! What's the statute of limitations on how early one can start listening to Christmas music? Am I still too early? I'm craving that groovy Mr. Mathis bad this year. And I sure could sing along with some chipmunks and muppets on the drive to the lake next weekend. OK, I'll shut up!

Tomorrow morning I'm off and running! Very much to do in very little time... time to break out the super-human abilities! I R WOMAN!

rrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOooooooaaaaaaaarrrrrrrr

Went in for an Oil Change...

came out with four new tires.

We're leaving in one week for the lake. It's nice to know that we have fresh oil and a little thing called "tread."

My run today sucked because I didn't have breakfast before I spontaneously decided to get brand new tires and upon waiting over an hour ate 2 too many Otis Spunkmeyer cookies. My heart rate was through the roof and I couldn't get it down. It doesn't help that I've been running on my toes lately. This is a low impact style that is easily converted into a sprint. It actually makes you work harder with out the joint stress. So... basically I'm back to panting.

I can actually feel myself loosing weight through out the day after my runs and have cut back my frequency of trips to the gym. I would like to move up to running five times a week again, but for now I'm afraid of getting sick if I go too often. This new run is kicking my ass! I love it!!

Did I mention we're going to the lake in a week? That place makes me so happy. It's so serene in the cold months. The dogs will go too. That's a different kind of serene - two adults, two kids, two dogs. I'm going to try to remember to jog.

< sighhhhhhhhhh >

presentation done.good. ugh. so tired. whymy stillawake.dfjwazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Definition of Hell

When you have four time-sensitive projects culminating in the same week and the one that would benefit you the most professionally is not the one that would benefit you the most emotionally or intellectually. So, you work on all of them with equal time while strongly intellectually stimulated and unable to turn off any one project to focus on any other project for any amount of time.

I think I baked my presentation, cleaned my transcript, wrote dinner, and edited a pie. I hope the birthday was good.

I love my friends.

AAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!

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I just thought you should know.

Woo Hoo!!!

Oh happy day! The drunken midget was back at dance class!!  I love that little goblin! She retrieved no less than two things from under a bench tonight, both times trying to stand while under the bench and just following the bottom of the seat out to the edge with her head before popping up like a jack-in-the-box. Why do the other moms look at me when I laugh out loud and why aren't they laughing too? It's not like I'm pointing. And the little gremlin's amusing damn it!

One of our smoke detectors malfunctioned this morning. It was cute to watch Detective Ben and Secret Agent Jet looking for clues. We have established that the battery must be getting low. We're on it!

da   da   dada   da   da   dada   da   da....
(It's the Mission Impossible music. You can hear it, I know you can!)

Ruffles Have Ridges!

And so do I! I found my first permanent wrinkle! You know, when we smile, laugh, squint, frown, scowl, etc., we all have wrinkles that appear. But just the other day, I spotted a wrinkle that does not require me to alter my face. It's just to the left of my mouth. It was always there when I smiled and now it's always there when I don't. Hubby and I think it means I smile a lot. Why not? I read a book four years ago called "Buddhism for Mothers." The  just putting on the Buddha grin will improve your mood. I tried it. It's true. But, let's face it, I don't remember all the time. In fact, I remember less when I need it most.

"Wait just a damn minute," you say, "Are you meaning to tell me CyniSister is ... dare I say... HUMAN?!"

Well I was going to try and keep it from you for as long as I could, but it turns out wrinkles change a persons outlook. Life's too short to lie!!

No really. I noticed that one little wrinkle then, all week, I couldn't help noticing how crevassed my face became every time I laughed. The Grand Canyon's got nothin' on my crows feet! I should pay admission. < Whining > I just got my cartoon icon drawn too. Now I'm gonna have to add a few extra lines!

I hope when my grey hair appears it's shiny and silver!

Flower Power!

Yesterday I didn't write because I was at school all day and got TONS of stuff done. I just forgot to share all this successfulness with you, my readers.

Today, I took all my coupons and shopped for as many dry goods as I could find at Dollar General. "Oh my gosh" you say, "Our dear girl is broke!" No, I'm not, but I am stingy as hell, and when I can get some stuff a dollar cheaper somewhere else, dag-nab-it, I go somewhere else. I was robbed on Campbell's Chunky Soup though. That incident will not be revisited. Asses.

Lunch with Hubby was Fantastic! He has a new office with a beautiful dry erase board in it. Of course I couldn't help but notice that one of his Expo markers is pink. I must admit, I've never seen a pink Expo Marker before. I got giddy and drew big damn flowers all over the board. Then, for additional mushiness, I added hearts and confetti and told the crew they were loved. The office needed some color. I wonder if the big men can handle it.

Gone Mental

I'm so lazy lately. I think it's because I have so many things pulling me in all directions. You know, like poke your eyes out laziness. I would rather poke my eyes out than decide what to do first. And it's really not the amount of things that I have going on right now as much as it is the amount of things I WANT to be doing right now. For instance, I am reading three books, just for my one class and they are all interesting, fascinating, intriguing... I could really use that extra hour right about now.

The one that's really got me is Woman on the Edge of Time by Marge Piercy. I can't break free from it. It's about a woman locked up in a mental institution and it makes me feel like I'm in a mental institution because I read it so often and for such long periods that I even dream about it. It makes you wonder if the story isn't real and your life isn't the story. Ugh! I love it!

So tomorrow I will spend the entire day at school trying to be as productive as humanly possible. I may go to the gym after my class, if I'm content with the amount of things accomplished. Either way, I look forward to a day of reading and writing. I think I will start spending all day at school every Tuesday and Thursday. I have class after all. I might as well get there early, get a parking spot and curl up on the couch in the graduate lounge. Yes, I have waited a long time to say that.

This Friday is family night. This Saturday is undecided, other than a meeting I have with a classmate over our upcoming presentation, and then this Sunday has GOT to be a cleaning day. I was able to take down the mummy from the front window,  remover the spiders from the door and bedroom window, put away the hanging skeleton shadows and un-stone our walls. So now it only looks like Halloween puked on the front porch, in the living room and in three rubbermaid containers. Bleh!

Being older and wiser sucks sometimes. I want to O.D. on candy so badly, but experience has taught me better. No fun.

Mamma Got Treated!

We had an extremely fun and exhausting Halloween. I spent almost the entire day in costume and at the's kids' school. The treasure hunt was a super success and I was able to lead a witchy relay race for the kindergardeners. By the time the day was done, I needed a nap and so did the kids. We all slept for a little while before getting up and doing it all again.

We visited a few neighbors and then went to a friends house and skipped around their neighborhood. The kids filled their bags adequately and I even scored a bottle of wine!

This morning, it appears as though Halloween shit all over my house. The couch has empty goody bags, candy wrappers, spooky artwork and board games. The dining room table has a deformed spider web, empty cereal boxes, burned down candles, spider rings and almost empty 2 liter bottles of flat soda. The kitchen doesn't even look like a kitchen except for it's half empty packages of cupcakes, witch cookies, cheese platters and empty KFC boxes. My witches hat is balancing on the back of a wing-back chair full of costume odds and ends and our front porch looks like someone junked a fog machine, strobe light and ironing board (don't ask) before skipping town.

I still need to grocery shop and, by-golly, clean up this damned mess! But for now, I have school work. Please excuse me.