Eating Oreos for Breakfast

I am so tired of people having a problem with the picture on the left, and it is always because of that person's insecurities that they do. The woman on the left is not asking this question to the woman on the right, who clearly has no weight problem. The woman on the left isn't even necessarily talking to moms or women!

She's talking to Mr. and Mrs. Fatty-McFatterson! Yep, I said it! That grotesque couple who feeds their children McDonald's at 10pm just before putting them to bed and wakes them up at 8am with Oreos. Yes, I have seen this. This question is for those lazy fucks out there who scoff at fresh produce then make Sugar Encrusted Sugar Topped with Sugar for the office potluck. You know who they are. They are OBESE and have OBESE children who they are teaching to have the same despicable eating habits and worse, they are teaching them that those eating habits are OKAY because people should like you for who you are. Well, I agree, but let's look at the evidence, shall we? If you can't read a food pyramid, find a simple self-help book in a bookstore, or put NUTRITIONAL FACTS to good use, you are a numb-nut, lazy, asshole who should be denied health coverage until you can pass a health examination and THAT is why people don't like you. It just so happens that the bi-products of your dumb-ass laziness is obesity and low self-esteem. That's on you, but don't try to make me feel bad because you suck at life.

This group of people does not include people who are just fat. I mean, those healthy, happy people who just don't give a rats ass that some government standard has labeled them fat. They eat well, work hard and don't believe they have to be a stick-figure to feel good. I solute those people. They have rejected pop-cultures ideas of beauty and I wish I was that strong. I, truthfully, would like to be a bit thinner because I do feel good when I lose weight. I am working on being a lean, mean, marathon running machine, and I know it will be hard work, but I'm glad that it's not for everyone, because I hate following the crowd.

BUT this question goes out to those people, with or without children, who try diet after diet and whine about life, fairness and low metabolism. Seriously, "What IS your excuse?!"

BELIEVE me. Diet and exercise really does work. Don't strive for thin, try for HEALTHY and you will know when you have reached it, because you won't give a crap what some skinny bitch who spends two hours a day doing crunches has to say about having three children, AND instead of being offended by her, you might just see a little of yourself in her.

BUT for heaven's sake, stop whining!

AND stop getting so bent out of shape over someone making a simple statement about putting forth effort. You make yourself look like a jack-ass, world. I'm done.

Define "Fuckable"

I couldn't imbed this:

Brave Fan Asks Patrick Stewart a Question

But it's fantastic and heart-warming!

Then there's this:

Megyn Kelly DEMOLISHES Sexist Fox Pundits

And if you notice, this man is not just putting down women, he is also attacking men! 

In saying that women shouldn't work, he is saying that men can't handle taking care of their own children. There are many stay at home dads these days. I wonder how they feel about such a blatantly sexist comment against their ability to father properly. It's disgusting if you ask me.

Actually, I need advice.

Today is the 14 year Anniversary of my marriage to my adorable and supportive husband, and as I pick an outfit for this evening, I wonder if any man in this world could tell me the difference between "cute," "fuckable," and "asking for it." Then tell me which one I should pick for a night out with a 6'1" blonde-haired, blue-eyed, hunk-of-a-feminist, liberal, who has loved me for who I am for fourteen years; because, after all, whatever I could possibly be "asking for," he would be fantastic at delivering!

Someone please enlighten me. I think we are both confused at this point.

PMS funk

Today at the gym, I was in one of my if-one-more-guy-looks-at-my-ass-or-one-more-girl-judges-my-faux-hawk-I’m-gonna-yank-my-pad-off-and-slap-it-to-their-back-like-a-kick-me-sign-PMS funks.

I’m better now.

Big HOLES

So apparently some Douche Bag at The University for Douche-bags was standing at an entrance holding a sign that said, "You deserve rape." No Douche-bag, nobody DESERVES rape. It isn't against the law to be promiscuous or scantily clad. If it was, the jails in Florida would fill up every spring break. When people commit crimes, however, then there are consequences that may be "deserved." So, while your sign is absolutely incorrect, the corrected version could read, "If you rape, you DESERVE a SCROTUM STOMPING!" Because rape is wrong ya' bug-fuckers!

Now ask yourself this question. What behavior do you participate in that would warrant some big man taking advantage of you? Because when you say that people can deserve rape, remember that you are a big HOLE too! (and go fuck yourself)

Oh...

Never mind.

Steve-The-Sleaze Kush aka Dickless

To Steve-The-Sleaze Kush,

Since you have taken to commenting on people's appearance saying, "she was hot enough to almost make me register democrat," I would like to point out that while your Fugly Mug isn't why I will NEVER register as a Republican, your matching personality is enough to keep me from masturbating for the rest of my life. Good job dick-less. Luckily there will always be people like Matt Damon (winning personality, liberal views, intelligence, and oh-yeah, he is nice to look at), to give my nipples an excuse to get hard again. 

My point is this. If you are going to comment on a woman's looks, and suggest that they can sway your decisions, you are in desperate need of a good, LONG, look in the mirror.

Sincerely,

Nacho Object

p.s. 

On a personal note: I think you are a dick-less sonuvabitch and I can't wait until your species is extinct. How's that for a "radical bitch?"

Chemical Warfare

I'm trying to comprise a simple breakdown of the "Death Count vs. Terrorist Weapon" argument brewing in everyone's mind due to recent events, but my dog keeps farting loudly behind me. If I were to light a match, we might experience a small explosion of our own.

I'm not trying to make light of the situations, any of them. It seems to me that we now live in a society where the only people who have the power to change lives are killers with weapons, and if they choose to commit a crime, there is nothing we can do to stop them.

Recently, we had a false alarm where I work. I went in just a little uneasily the next day. I worry every time I step foot into the classroom. But I can suspect a classroom full of hooligans of having what it takes to remove me from my most prized possessions (my kids) and there isn't a damn thing anyone could do about it. Until there are deaths, and even after, we are no closer to preventing these life-changing events. Every time I hear of another shooting, bombing, killing, I think What now? What before? What ten years from now will we have changed?

The stench just hit me. It's time for bed.